When the guys return home from their three-month expedition at the Magnetic North Pole, Penny finally reveals her feelings for Leonard by kissing him. Howard and Raj reveal to Sheldon that they and Leonard tampered with his experiment on magnetic monopoles by using an electric can opener. Sheldon is distraught and angry with all of them as he had already submitted his results to the university. Crushed that his best friends have destroyed his dreams and humiliated him, Sheldon returns to his home in Galveston, Texas. When the guys come over to Galveston and plead with Sheldon to come back to Pasadena, he initially refuses, but following an unacceptable argument with his mother about evolution, he forgives them and returns to Pasadena. Meanwhile, Penny and Leonard finally have sex, but both of them now feel their relationship got weird.
(オタク達が3カ月の北極探検から戻った時に、ペニーはレナードにキスをして思いを伝える。ハワードとラジは北極での単極子の実験で、レナードと一緒に電動缶切りを使ってデータの改竄をしたことをシェルダンに告げる。シェルダンは既に結果を大学に報告していたので、彼らに対しひどく取り乱し怒る。親友たちが彼の夢を打ち砕き彼を辱めたことに打ちひしがれ、シェルダンはテキサスのガルベストンの実家に帰ってしまう。オタク達がガルベストンへ行きパサデナに戻るよう説得すると、始めは拒否していたシェルダンも、進化論を否定する母親との議論に飽き、彼らを許し一緒に戻る。一方、ペニーとレナードは遂にセックスをするが、二人とも互いの関係に違和感を持つ。)
Word Review
[Lobby]
(Three months later. The guys are arriving home from the North Pole. All have long hair and bushy beards except Sheldon, whose hair is slightly longer and who has a goatee.)
Leonard: Oh, thank God we're home.
Howard: I can't believe we spent three months in that frozen hell.(僕ら凍った地獄で3カ月も過ごしたなんて信じられない。)
Raj: It was like a snowy nightmare from which there was no awakening.(覚醒しない雪中夢みたいだったよ。)
Sheldon: I don't know what Arctic expedition you guys were on, but I thought it was a hoot and a half.(君達がどんな北極探検をしたか知らないが、僕には最高の楽しみだったよ。)
[The apartment door]
(Sheldon is on the phone.)
Sheldon: Oh, hi mom. No, I told you I'd call you when I got home, I'm not home yet.(おー、ハイ、母さん。いや、家に着いたら電話するって言ってたけどまだ着いてないよ。)
(Walks through door.)
Sheldon: Alright, I'm home. The Arctic expedition was a remarkable success, I'm all but certain there's a Nobel Prize in my future. Actually, I shouldn't say that. I'm entirely certain. No, mother, I could not feel your church group praying for my safety. The fact that I'm home safe is not proof that it worked, that logic is Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc. No, I'm not sassing you in Eskimo talk.(いま家に着いたよ。北極探検は大成功だったよ。将来ノーベル賞はほぼ確実だよ。実際それを言うべきじゃないけど。ほぼ確実さ。いや、母さん、母さんの教会の仲間が僕の安全を祈ってたのは感じられなかったよ。僕が安全に家に戻れたのはその効果だって証明にならないよ。その論理は「何かが起こったのはそれが原因」ってやつだ。いや、エスキモ－言葉で生意気な口をきいてるわけじゃないよ。)
Leonard: I'm going to go let Penny know we're back.
Sheldon: Mother, I have to go. Yeah, love you. Bye. (To his spot) Hello, old friend. (Sits) Daddy's home.
[Penny's door]
Penny: Leonard, you're back.
Leonard: Yeah, I just stopped by to say… (she grabs him and kisses him) Yeah, so, hi!
Penny: Hi!
(They stumble, kissing, into her apartment and slam the door shut.)
Howard: Dammit, I should have gone over and told her we were back.(くそっ、彼女に戻ったことを言っとくべきだった。)
Raj: Yeah, it was first come, first served.(そうだね、早い者勝ちだよ。)
[A moment later]
Sheldon: I just want you both to know, when I publish my findings, I won't forget your contributions.(君達に知っといてほしいんだけど、僕の発見を論文発表するときには君達の貢献を忘れないよ。)
Howard: Great.
Raj: Thanks.
Sheldon: Of course, I can't mention you in my Nobel acceptance speech, but when I get round to writing my memoirs you can expect a very effusive footnote, and perhaps a signed copy.(もちろん、ノーベル賞受賞スピーチでは君達のことは述べないけど、僕が思い出を書くときは君達に対する感情的な注釈を期待できるよ、それに多分サイン入りの別刷りもね。)
Raj: We have to tell him.(僕らは彼に告げなきゃならないよ。)
Sheldon: Tell me what?
Howard: Damn his Vulcan hearing.(くそっ、バルカン聴力だ。)
Sheldon: You fellows are planning a party for me, aren't you?(君たち僕のためにパーティーでも計画してるのかい？)
Howard: Okay, Sheldon, sit down.
Sheldon: If there's going to be a theme, I should let you know that I don't care for luau*, toga** or under the sea***.(テーマを決めようとしてるんだったら、僕はルアウやトーガ・パーティーや海底スタイルは好きじゃないんだ。) *ハワイ・スタイルの野外パーティー、**ローマ時代を模して、ベッドのシーツを体に巻き付けてドレスにしたコスプレ・パーティー、***海洋生物等のデコレーションを使ったり、海洋遊具のあるUnder the Sea Indoor Playgroundを利用したりして行う、海底をモチーフにしたパーティー。
Howard: Yeah, we'll keep that in mind, look, we need to talk to you about something that happened at the North Pole.(そうだね、覚えておくよ、実は僕ら北極で起こったことで君に話したいことがあるんだ。)
Sheldon: If this is about the night the heat went out, there's nothing to be embarrassed about.(もしそれが暖房の切れた夜の話なら、恥じることはない。)
Raj: It's not about that.
Howard: And we agreed to never speak of it again.(僕ら二度とその話をしないって合意したじゃないか。)
Sheldon: So we slept together naked. It was only to keep our core body temperatures from plummeting.(僕ら裸で一緒に寝たんだ。あれは深部体温の急低下を防ぐためだけだったんだ。)
Howard: He's speaking about it.
Raj: For me, it was a bonding moment.(僕にとっては心が結ばれた瞬間だった。)
Howard: Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?(シェルダン、覚えてるかい最初の数週間単磁極を探していて何も見つからず、君は不愉快で巨大な専制者みたいにふるまってた。)
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.(僕らは君と穏やかに付き合おうとしてた。)
Howard: That's why I added the tator. And then when we found our first positive data, you were so happy.(だから僕はtator(専制者)って言ったのさ。そして始めて僕らが有望なデータを見つけた時、君はとても嬉しそうだった。)
Sheldon: Oh, yes. In the world of emoticons, I was colon, capital D.(ああそうだ。絵文字の世界では僕はコロン大文字D(:D)だった。)
Howard: Well, in actuality, what your equipment detected wasn't so much evidence of paradigm-shifting monopoles as it was… static from the electric can opener we were turning on and off.(実際、君の装置が検出したのは定説を変革する単極子の証拠ではなくて、僕らがスイッチを入れたり切ったりした電動缶切りからの静電気だったんだ。)
Raj: He just went colon, capital O.(彼はコロン大文字O(:O)になっちゃった。)
Sheldon: You tampered with my experiment?(君達は僕の実験を改竄したのか？)
Howard: We had to.(しなきゃならなかったんだ。)
Raj: It was the only way to keep you from being such a huge Dickensian. You see that? I added the ensian.(君を超悲惨者から救う唯一の方法だったんだ。わかる？ensian(－者)を加えたんだ。)
Sheldon: Did Leonard know about this? Leonard's my best friend in the world. Surely Leonard didn't know.(レナードはそれを知ってたのか？レナードは僕の世界中で一番の親友だ。彼は知らなかったはず。)
Howard: Actually, it was his idea.(実際あれは彼のアイデアだった。)
Sheldon: Of course it was. The whole plan reeks of Leonard.(もちろんそうだろう、そのアイデアはレナード臭い。)
[Penny's apartment]
Penny: I missed you so much.
Leonard: I missed you, too.
Penny: I couldn't even think of anyone else while you were gone.(あなたが行っちゃってから他の人のことなんか考えられなかったわ。)
Leonard: Me, neither. Except for one night when the heat went out. Long story, it's… don't ask.(僕もさ、暖房が切れた夜以外はね。長い話なんだ．．．聞かないで。)
Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard.
Leonard: (whispering) Do not make a sound.
Sheldon: Whispering do not make a sound is a sound.(音を立てるなってささやいてるのは聞こえるよ。)
Leonard: Damn his Vulcan hearing. Not a good time, Sheldon.(くそっ、バルカン聴力だ。今は駄目だよ、シェルダン。)
Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.
Penny: Oh, this is ridiculous. What?(おー、これってばかげてるわ、何？)
Sheldon: Hello, Penny. I realize you're currently at the mercy of your primitive biological urges, but as you have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you, may I interrupt this one?(こんにちは、ペニー。君は今、原始的な生物的欲求のなすがままになってるってわかってるけど、君にはこの先愚かな意思決定をする長い人生があるから、今ちょっと中断させてくれないか？)
Penny: It's great to see you too. Come on in.(私もあなたに会えてうれしいわ。中に入って。)
Sheldon: Wolowitz has informed me of your grand deception. Do you have anything to say for yourself?(ウォロウィッツが君の壮大な欺瞞について教えてくれたよ。何か自身について言うことあるかい？)
Leonard: Yes, I feel terrible about it. I will never forgive myself, I don't expect you to either, and I would really appreciate it if you would leave me with Penny for a session of self-criticism and repentance.(ああ、僕もそれについては気がとがめてるんだ。僕も自分を許せないし、君に許してもらえるとも思わない。そして、君が僕とペニーを自己批判と悔い改めのために放置してくれたら感謝するよ。)
Penny: Okay, can someone please tell me what's going on here?(オーケー、何が起こってるのか誰か説明してくれない？)
Sheldon: What's going on is I was led to believe I was making groundbreaking strides in science, when in fact, I was being fed false data at the hands of Wolowitz, Koothrappali and your furry little boy toy.(何が起こってるかって言うと、僕は科学の先駆者になるって信じ込まされてたのさ、実際はウォロウィッツとクースラパリと君の毛深いちびおもちゃに嘘のデータを掴まされてね。)
Penny: Is that true?
Leonard: It was the only way to make him happy.(それが彼を喜ばせる唯一の方法だったんだ。)
Penny: Why did you have to make him happy?(どうして彼を喜ばせなきゃならなかったの？)
Leonard: Because when he wasn't happy, we wanted to kill him. There was even a plan. We were going to throw his Kindle outside, and when he went to get it, lock the door and let him freeze to death.(なぜなら彼が不機嫌なら、僕らは彼を殺さなきゃならなかったんだ。僕らは彼のキンドルを外に放り投げて、彼が取りに外へ出たとき鍵を掛けて彼を凍死させようとしたんだ。)
Sheldon: That seems like a bit of an overreaction.(それって過剰反応じゃないの。)
Leonard: No, the overreaction was the plan to tie your limbs to four different sled dog teams and yell mush. Look, we kept the original data. You can still publish the actual results.(いや、過剰反応なら君の手足を4基の犬ぞりに括りつけて、それってけしかける計画さ。いいかい、僕らはもとのデータを持ってる。君は実際の結果で投稿できるんだ。)
Sheldon: Yes, but the actual results are unsuccessful and I've already sent an e-mail to everyone at the university explaining that I have confirmed string theory and forever changed man's understanding of the universe.(ああ、でも実際の結果は失敗に終わってる、それに僕は既にひも理論を確証して宇宙に対する人類の理解を変えたって説明したe-メールを大学のみんなに送ってる。)
Leonard: Aw, see, yeah, you probably shouldn't have done that. So write another e-mail, set the record straight, it's no big deal.(君は多分それをするべきではなかった。別のメールを書いて訂正すべきだ、大した問題じゃない。)
Sheldon: You're right, Leonard, it's not a big deal. All you did was lie to me destroy my dream and humiliate me in front of the whole university. That, FYI, was sarcasm. I, in fact, believe it is a big deal(その通り、レナード、それは大した問題じゃない。君達がしたことは単に僕の夢を壊して、大学のみんなの前で僕を辱めただけだ。言っとくけど、これは皮肉だよ。実際、これは大きな問題だと思う。)
Penny: Oh, the poor thing.(おー、可哀そう。)
Leonard: Yeah, I feel terrible.(ああ、僕も気が咎めてる。)
Penny: Wait, wait. Aren't you going to go talk to him?(待って、待って、彼と話に行かないの。)
Leonard: What? Uh, he'll be fine, the guy's a trouper, come here.(何を？うー、彼は大丈夫だ、彼はしっかりしてる。)
Penny: No, you're right, you shouldn't talk to him. I will.
Leonard: Man, I cannot catch a break.(いやはや、僕はチャンスをものにできない。)
[Sheldon's bedroom]
(Penny knocks and enters.)
Penny: Hey. Do you want to talk?
Sheldon: About what? Being betrayed by my friends? Spending three months at the North Pole for nothing? And I didn't even get to go to Comic-Con!(何を？友達に裏切られたこと？北極で無駄に3カ月過ごしたこと？それに僕はコミック・コンにさえ行けなかったんだ！)
Penny: Oh, hon… Uh… (singing) Soft kitty, warm kitty…
Sheldon: That's for when I'm sick. Sad is not sick.
Penny: Oh. Sorry. I don't know your sad song.
Sheldon: I don't have a sad song. I'm not a child.
Penny: Well, you know, I do understand what you're going through.(いいこと、私はあなたがどんな気持ちかわかるわ。)
Sheldon: Really? Did you just have the Nobel Prize in waitressing stolen from you?(本当？君はノーベル・ウェイトレス賞を盗まれたのかい？)
Penny: Well, no, but when I was a senior in high school, one of my friends heard I was going to be named head cheerleader. Oh, I was so excited. My mom even made me a celebration pie. Then they named stupid Valerie Mossbacher head cheerleader. Big ol' slutbag.(ちがうわ、でも私が高校2年生の時、私の友達の一人が私がチアリーダーのキャプテンに指名されるって聞いてきて、私すごく喜んで、ママはお祝いにパイを作ってくれたの。そしたら、みんなおばかのバレリー・モスバチャーを指名したの。ど淫乱女よ。)
Sheldon: Are you saying that you think a celebration pie is even remotely comparable to a Nobel Prize?(君はお祝いのパイがたとえわずかにせよノーベル賞と比べられるとでも言うのかい？)
Penny: Well, they're pretty tasty.(あれはすごくおいしいわ。)
Sheldon: And on a different, but not unrelated topic, based on your current efforts to buoy my spirits, do you truly believe that you were ever fit to be a cheer leader?(別の関連のない話題だけど、僕を元気づけようとしてる努力に基づいて、君は本当にチア・リーダーに相応しかったと思うかい？)
Penny: Look, Sheldon, I just don't think that the guys and Leonard really meant to hurt you. You know? They just told an unfortunate lie to deal with a difficult situation. Okay, you know what it's like? Remember that scene in the new Star Trek movie when Kirk has to take over the ship, so he tells Spock all that stuff he knew wasn't true, like saying Spock didn't care his mom died?(いいこと、シェルダン、私は彼らがあなたを本当に傷つけようとしてたとは思わないわ。つまり、困難な状況に対処しようとして残念な嘘をついたのよ。オーケー、どういうことかわかる？新しいスタートレックの映画で、カークが宇宙船を引き継がなきゃならない時、彼がスポックに言ったことは全て本当だったわけじゃないわ、スポックは母親が死んだって構わないみたいに。)
Sheldon: I missed Comic-Con and the new Star Trek movie!(僕はコミック・コンも新しいスタートレックの映画も見逃したんだ。)
[The university cafeteria]
(The guys have shaved and had haircuts. Howard has kept his moustache.)
Raj: I like the new look.(僕はその新しいスタイル好きだよ。)
Howard: Thanks. I call it the Clooney.(ありがとう、クルーニーと呼ぼう。)
Raj: I call it the Mario and Luigi, but whatever. Hey, how's Sheldon doing?(僕はマリオ と ルイージって呼ぶよ、でも何でもいいけど。ところで、シェルダンはどうしてる？)
Leonard: Well, he came out of his room this morning wearing his Darth Vader helmet and tried to choke me to death with the Force, so I'd say, a little better.(えーと、彼は今朝ダース・ベーダーヘルメットをかぶって部屋から出てきてフォースを使って僕の首を絞めて殺そうとしたんだ、だから、少しはいいんじゃない。)
Howard: If I may abruptly change the subject, did you and Penny finally… you know.(突然話題を変えるけど、君はペニーと．．．つまり。)
Leonard: Howard…
Howard: Personally, I don't care, but my genitals wanted me to ask.(個人的には気にしてないんだけど、僕の生殖器が僕に聞いて欲しがるんだ。)
Leonard: Well, tell your genitals what I do with Penny is none of their business.(じゃあ、僕がペニーとどうしようと君らには関係ないって生殖器に言ってくれ。)
Howard: (to his genitals) He says they didn't do it.
Leonard: (to Sheldon, entering) Sheldon, over here.
(Sheldon sits at another table and tries to choke all three to death with the force. Raj pretends he is choking.)
Howard: What are you doing?
Raj: I feel bad for the guy.
Leonard: Sheldon, why are you sitting by yourself?(シェルダン、どうして一人で座ってるんだい？)
Sheldon: Because I am without friends. Like the proverbial cheese, I stand alone*. Even while seated.(僕には友達がいないからさ。歌に歌われてるチーズみたいに、一人でいるんだ、座ってるときでさえもね。)
*子供の遊び歌、"The Farmer In The Dell"（邦題『小さな谷の農夫』）の以下の一節を暗喩している。
The cheese stands alone
The cheese stands alone
Hi-ho, the derry-o
The cheese stands alone
Leonard: Come on. We said we were sorry.
Sheldon: It's going to take more than I'm sorry and a store-bought apology pie from Penny to make up for what you've done to me.(君達が僕にしたことを埋め合わせるには、君らの謝罪やペニーの市販のお詫びパイよりももっと多くが必要なんだ。)
Kripke: (arriving) Hey, Cooper. Wead[We had] your wetwaction[retraction] e-mail. Way to destroy your weputation[reputation].(ヘイ、クーパー、俺達君の取り消しのe-メール貰ったぞ。君の評価の崩壊への道だ。)
Sheldon: You see? People have been pointing and laughing at me all morning.(見たかい？人は朝中僕を指さして笑っている。)
Kripke: That's not twue[true]. People have been pointing and waughing[laughing]) at you your whole wife[life].(それは違うよ。人は君の人生を通してずっと君を指さして笑っていたんだ。)
Sheldon: All right, I've had enough. Attention, everyone. I' m Dr. Sheldon Cooper. As many of you in the physics department might know, my career trajectory has taken a minor detour.(わかったよ。もう十分だ。みんな聞いてくれ。僕はシェルダン・クーパー博士だ、物理学科のみんなはもう知ってるだろうけど、僕の経歴の軌道は少し遠回りした。)
Kripke: Off a cwiff[cliff].(崖から飛び降りろ。)
Sheldon: My credibility may have been damaged…(僕への信頼は損なわれたかも．．．。)
Kripke: Compwetely[Completely] wecked[wrecked].(完全な崩壊だ。)
Sheldon: But I would like to remind you that in science, there's no such thing as failure. There once was a man who referred to his prediction of a cosmological constant as the single biggest blunder of his career. That man's name was, surprise, surprise, Albert Einstein.(しかし、思いだしてほしい、科学において失敗というものは存在しない。宇宙定数の予測が彼の経歴において唯一最大の失敗と目されていた男がいた。その男の名は、驚きももの木、アルバート・アインシュタインだ。)
Kripke: Yeah, but wesearch[research] into Dark Energy pwoved[proved] that Einstein's cosmowogical[coslowogical] constant was actually wight[right] all along, so you're still, surpwise(surprise), surpwise, a woser[loser].(そのとおり、しかし、暗黒エネルギーの研究が宇宙定数が全く正しいことを証明したんだ、だから、君は、驚きももの木、まだ敗北者のままさ。)
Sheldon: Oh, you think you're so clever. Well, let me just tell you, while I do not currently have a scathing retort, you check your e-mail periodically for a doozy.(おー、君は自分が賢いとおもっている、ちょっと言わせてもらうけど、僕はまだ痛烈な反駁を受けていない、とんでもないことのために定期的にe-メールをチェックしろよ。)
Leonard: So much for our friendship with Sheldon.(シェルダンに対する僕らの友情はそんなもんさ。)
Raj: Well, we'll always have the night the heat went out.(僕らはヒーターが切れた夜のことをいつも思ってるよ。)
[Penny's apartment]
Penny: Hi.
Leonard: Hey. Listen, since we got, you know, interrupted last night, I didn't have a chance to give you this.(へい、いいかい、昨夜中断されちゃったから、これを君にあげる機会がなかったんだ。)
Penny: Oh, Leonard, you shouldn't have. Oh, boy! What is it?(おー、レナード、そんなことすることないのよ。あら！何これ?。)
Leonard: It's a snowflake. From the North Pole.(雪片だよ。北極のさ。)
Penny: Are you serious?(マジ？)
Leonard: Uh-huh. It'll last forever. I preserved it in a one percent solution of polyvinyl acetal resin.(うー、それ永久に残るよ。僕が１％ポリビニルアセタール樹脂溶液中に保存したんだ。)
Penny: Oh, my God. That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me that I didn't understand.(あら、まあ、それって今までに言われて私が理解できなかったなかで一番ロマンチックなことだわ。)
Leonard: It's actually a pretty simple process. You see, cyanoacrylate are monomers which polymerize on…(それはとても単純な工程さ。いいかい、シアノアクリレートは単分子で高分子化には．．．。)
(She kisses him.)
Howard: (arriving) Red alert, Leonard. Sheldon ran away.(緊急事態だ、レナード。シェルダンが出て行った。)
Leonard: Man, I can not catch a break.(いやはや、僕はチャンスをものにできない。)
Penny: So, how do you know he ran away?(それで、どうして彼が出て行ったってわかるの？)
Howard: Well, he's not answering his phone, he handed in his resignation at the university and he sent me a text that said, I'm running away.(彼は携帯に出ないし、辞職願を大学に提出したし、「僕は出て行く。」ってメールを僕に送ったんだ。)
Leonard: Okay, well, thanks for letting me know.(オーケー、えーと、教えてくれてありがとう。)
Penny: Well, Leonard, aren't you going to do something?(それで、レナード、あなた何かしないの？)
Leonard: Of course I'm going to do something. Uh, Howard, you check the comic book store. Raj, go to the Thai restaurant. I'll stay here with Penny in her apartment. (もちろん、何かするよ。うー、ハワード、漫画書店をチェックして。ラジ、タイ料理店へ行って。僕はペニーとここへ残る。)
(His phone rings.)
Leonard: Oh, damn it. It's Sheldon's mother. A break cannot be caught. Hi, Mrs. Cooper. He is? Sheldon went home to Texas. Yeah, no, I know he resigned. Yes, I guess it kind of is our fault. No, no, no, you, you're right, someone needs to come talk to him. Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Yeah. (オー、くそっ。シェルダンのお母さんからだ。僕はチャンスをものにできない。ハイ、クーパー夫人。彼が?シェルダンは実家に帰った。はい、いえ、彼が辞職したのは知ってます。はい、それは僕らのせいです。いえ、いえ、そのとおりです、誰かが彼と話しに行く必要があります。ご心配なく、僕が処理します。はい。)
(To Howerd and Raji.)
Leonard: All right. New plan. Howard, you and Raj go to Texas. I'll stay here with Penny in her apartment.(それじゃ、新しいプランだ。ハワード、君とラジはテキサスに行って。僕はペニーとここに残る。)
Penny: Well, you're not gonna go with them?(あなたは彼らと行かないつもり？)
Leonard: Well, you know, I gave you the snowflake and we were kissing and… Oh, come on, I don't want to go to Texas!(えーと、つまり、僕は君に雪片を上げたし、僕らキスもしたし...おー、いいじゃないか、僕はテキサスへ行きたくない！)
Howard: Oh, right, and I do? My people already crossed a desert once, we're done.(おー、本当、僕がするの？僕の民は一度砂漠をこえたし、僕らは終わったんだ。)
Leonard: Trust me, you'll be fine. See ya.(僕を信じて、君は大丈夫だ。じゃあね。)
Penny: Well, wait a second, Leonard, come on, how can you not go? He's your best friend.(え、ちょっと待って、レナード、何よ、あなたが行かなくちゃ。彼はあなたの親友よ。)
Leonard: Yeah, but I already saw him naked. Just come here.(ああ、でも、僕は既に彼の裸を見たよ。ここへ来たばかりなのに。)
Penny: No. I promise I will be here when you get back. Just go help Sheldon.(だめよ。あなたが帰って来る時私はきっとここに居るわ。シェルダンを助けに行って。)
Leonard: Really?
Penny: Yeah. We waited a few months. We can wait a few more days.(そうよ、私たち数ヶ月待ったわ。あと数日待てるわ。)
Leonard: Maybe you can.
Penny: Go.
Raj: Boy, you cannot catch a break, can you?(なんとまあ、君はチャンスをものにできないんだね。)
[Sheldon's mother's kitchen]
Mrs Cooper: Here you go, Shelly.
Sheldon: Thanks, Mom.
Mrs Cooper: Hold your horses, young man. Here in Texas, we pray before we eat.(待ちなさい、若者よ、ここテキサスでは食べる前にお祈りしなさい。)
Sheldon: Aw, Mom.
Mrs Cooper: This is not California, land of the heathen. Gimme. By His hand we are all…(ここは異教徒の国カリフォルニアじゃない。与え給え。彼の御手により、我ら全て．．．)
Sheldon: Fed.
Mrs Cooper: Give us, Lord, our daily…
Sheldon: Bread.
Mrs Cooper: Please know that we are truly…
Sheldon: Grateful.
Mrs Cooper: For every cup and every…
Sheldon: Plateful.
Mrs Cooper: Amen. Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?(アーメン。さあ、そんなに難しくなかったでしょ？)
Sheldon: My objection was based on considerations other than difficulty.(僕の反論は困難さじゃなくて思考に基づいているんだ。)
Mrs Cooper: Whatever. Jesus still loves you.
Sheldon: Thank you for carving a smiley face in my grilled cheese sandwich.(僕の焼チーズサンドイッチに笑顔を描いてくれてありがとう。)
Mrs Cooper: Oh, I know how to take care of my baby. His eyes came out a little thin, but you can just pretend he's Chinese. So, do you want to talk about what happened with you and your little friends?(おー、私の赤ちゃんの扱い方を知ってるわ。彼の眼は細くなってる、でもただ中国人の真似してるだけよね。あなたとお友達の間に何が起こったのか話してみる？)
Sheldon: They're not my friends.
Mrs Cooper: All right. If you recall, when you were little, we sat right here at this very spot and we talked about some of the problems you had getting along with the neighbour kids.(いいわ、あなたが小さい時のこと思い出せるかしら、私達ちょうど同じとこに座って、近所の子供たちとの問題について話したわね。)
Sheldon: That was different. They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that's why they hated me.(あれは違うよ。彼らは僕の知性を恐れて、それゆえに僕を嫌ってるってことも気がつかないほど愚かだった。)
Mrs Cooper: Oh baby, they knew very well why they hated you.(あら、彼らは何故あなたを嫌ってるかよく知ってたわ。)
[A rental car]
Leonard: I can't believe you bought a red cowboy hat.(赤いカウボーイ・パットを買うなんて信じられない。)
Howard: Hello? I'm wearing a red turtleneck. Plus, it was the only boys' large they had.(ハロー、僕は赤いタートルネックを着てる。それに、それが唯一の男子のLサイズだったんだ。)
Raj: I'm sorry, this does not look like Texas. Where's the tumbleweeds? Where's the saloons?(これってテキサスじゃないみたいだ。転がる草はどこにあるんだ？酒場はどこに？)
Leonard: Saloons?
Raj: Yeah, like in the movies I saw growing up in India. You know, uh, Four for Texas*, Yellow Rose of Texas**.(そうだ、僕がインドで見た映画、つまり、『テキサスの4人』とか『テキサスの黄色いバラ』はどこにあるんだ。) *1963年公開、ロバート・アルドリッチ監督、フランク・シナトラ、ディーン・マーティン他出演の米国の西部劇映画。**1955年にミッチ・ミラーのレコーディングにより世界的に有名になったアメリカ南部に伝わる古い民謡。
Howard: This neighbourhood is more Texas Chainsaw Massacre*.(ここはむしろ「テキサス・チェーンソー」に近いよ。) *1974年の「悪魔のいけにえ」をマイケル・ベイ監督の製作でリメイク(2004)、チェーンソーを振るう殺人鬼のホラー映画。
Raj: I was really hoping to see a cattle drive.(僕は本当に牛追いを見たいと思ってた。)br>
Leonard: What can I tell you? They probably have steaks on sale at that big-ass Costco over there.(なんて言えばいいか？多分あそこのビッガス・コストコでステーキを売ってるよ。)
[Sheldon's mother's house]
Leonard: Will you please take that stupid hat off?(その犯した帽子を脱いでくれないか？)
Howard: No, I want to blend in.(いやだ、調和したいんだ。)
Raj: To what? Toy Story?
Mrs Cooper: Hi, boys.
Howard: Howdy, ma'am.
Mrs Cooper: Howdy to you, too. You got here quick.
Leonard: We took the red-eye.(深夜便できたんです。)
Mrs Cooper: Well, come on in.
Howard: Thank you kindly.
Mrs Cooper: Can I… Can I get you something to drink?
Leonard: Uh, no, thank you.
Howard: If y'all don't mind, I got a hankerin' for a Lone Star beer.
Mrs Cooper: There's no alcohol in this household. Stop talking like that and lose the hat.(この家にはアルコールはないよ。そんなこと言わずに帽子を脱いで。)
Howard: Sorry. I'll take a diet Yoo-Hoo if you have it.(すみません、もしあればダイエット・ヨーホーを下さい。)
Mrs Cooper: You'll take a Cola.* What about you? Radge, isn't it? Oh, you still having trouble talking to the ladies? Because, you know, at our church we have a woman who's an amazing healer. Mostly she does, uh, crutch and wheelchair people, but I bet she'd be willing to take a shot at whatever Third World demon is running around inside of you.(コーラにして。あなたは？ラッジェだっけ？あなたはまだ女の人と話が出来ないの？私たちの教会には素晴らしい女性の信仰療法士がいるわ。彼女はほとんど松葉づえや車いすの人に施療するけど、第三世界の悪魔が取りついたあなたには施療してくれるわ。)
(* This scene was originally filmed using the word "coke" but it was overdubbed for television purposes. On the DVD version, the original is used.)
Leonard: Uh, if you don't mind, Mrs. Cooper, there's a 3:05 nonstop back to Los Angeles, and you have no idea how much I want to be on it.(クーパー夫人、もしよろしければ、3:05のロスアンジェルス行きノン・ストップ便があるので、どうしてもそれに乗りたいのですが。)
Mrs Cooper: A girl?
Leonard: Uh, yes, ma'am.
Mrs Cooper: Oh, good. I've been praying for you. Oh, Sheldon.
Sheldon: What are they doing here?
Leonard: We came to apologize.
Howard: Again.
Leonard: And bring you home. So, why don't you pack up your stuff and we'll head back.(君を連れて帰る。だから、荷作りして、そしたら帰るから。)
Sheldon: No, this is my home now. Thanks to you, my career is over and I will spend the rest of my life here in Texas trying to teach evolution to creationists.(いやだ、今はここが僕の家なんだ。ありがとう、僕の経歴はおわりだ、僕は残りの人生をここテキサスで進化論を創造説論者に教えて過ごすんだ。)
Mrs Cooper: You watch your mouth, Shelly. Everyone's entitled to their opinion.(口に気をつけなさい、シェリー。誰もが意見を持つ権利があるわ。)
Sheldon: Evolution isn't an opinion, it's fact.(進化論は意見じゃない、事実だ。)
Mrs Cooper: And that is your opinion.(そしてそれもあなたの意見よ。)
Sheldon: I forgive you. Let's go home.(君達を許す、さあ帰ろう。)
Mrs Cooper: Don't tell me prayer doesn't work.(お祈りは効果ないなんて言わないでね。)
[In Penny's bed]
Leonard: How about that? I finally caught a break.(どうだった？僕は遂にチャンスをものにしたよ。)
Penny: Uh-huh.
Leonard: You know how they say when friends have sex it can get weird?(友達同士がセックスすると違和感を感じるって言うけど？)
Penny: Sure.
Leonard: Why does it have to get weird?(どうして違和感を感じるんだろう？)
Penny: I don't know.
Leonard: I mean, we were friends, and now we're more than friends. We're whatever this is. But why label it, right? I mean, it is what it is and…(つまり、僕らは友達だし、今じゃ友達以上になった。僕らをなんて呼んでもいいけど。でも、どうしてそれを分類するんだ？つまり、それはあるがままで．．．．)
Penny: Leonard?
Leonard: Yeah?
Penny: It's weird.(変な感じよ。)
Leonard: Totally.(全くだ。)
Written by Steven Molaro
Japanese interpretaion by Norih