The Big Bang Theory Season 1

After hearing Penny sing, Leonard lies to avoid seeing her perform, but Sheldon takes it one step further with a more elaborate lie that leads to the appearance of his non-existent cousin. Then Sheldon enrolles Toby Loobenfeld, a research assistant at the University, to act as his drug addicted cousin.
(ペニーが歌ってるのを聞いたレナードは、あまりのひどさに彼女が出演するショーへの出席の誘いを断るが、彼女を傷つけまいとして、学会があるからと嘘をつく。しかしシェルダンはその嘘がばれるのを恐れ、別の嘘の理由へすり替える。そのために、実は存在しないシェルダンのいとこの出現が必要になり、同僚のトビー・ルーベンフェルドをいとこのレオに仕立て上げる．．．．。)

[The downstairs lobby]
Leonard: See, the liquid metal Terminators were created in the future by Skynet, and Skynet was developed by Miles Dyson, but that future no longer exists, due to Dyson's death in Terminator 2.(いいかい、液体金属のターミネーターは、ダイソンが開発したスカイネットによって未来において作りだされたんだ。でも、ターミネーター２でダイソンが死んじゃったから、もはやその未来は存在しなかったはずなんだ。)
Sheldon: Okay, then riddle me this. Assuming all the good Terminators were originally evil Terminators created by Skynet but then reprogrammed by the future John Connor, why would Skynet, an artificial computer intelligence, bother to create a petite hot 17 year-old killer robot?(オーケー、じゃあこんな謎はどう？善玉のターミネータｰはもともとはスカイネットが作った悪のターミネーターだったけど、未来のジョン・コナーにプログラムを作り直されたとしよう。だったらどうして人造知能のスカイネットは17歳の小さな可愛い殺人ロボットを作るのに苦労したんだい？)
Leonard: Skynet is kinky? I don't know.(スカイネットは性的倒錯者かい？そんなの知らないよ)
Sheldon: Artificial intelligences do not have teen fetishes.(人工知能には十代の少女嗜好がないのさ。)
Leonard: Alright, oh wait, they use it to in…
Sheldon: (Buzzing noise), too late, I win.
Penny: (voice off, singing, quite tunelessly) Let's go-oh-oh Ou-oooo-ut tonight. I have to go-oh-oh-oh ou-ooooo-ut tonight.
Leonard: What the hell is that?(ありゃ一体なんだ？)
Sheldon: I don't know, but if cats could sing, they'd hate it too. (わかんないけど、猫が歌えるんなら、彼らだってあれは嫌だろうね。)(The continue up the stairs and disappear from view).
Penny: (still singing off) You wanna prowl, be my night owl, (Leonard and Sheldon reappear, running down the stairs) we'll take my… (appearing) Hey guys, hi! Where you going?(君がうろつきたいなら、僕の夜のフクロウになっておくれよ♪。ハイ！どこ行くの？)
Leonard: What? Oh we just had to… mail some letters and (seeing Sheldon has large bag in hand and bin is nearby) throw away some chicken. (Sheldon very reluctantly does.)(何？僕らは手紙を出しに来ただけだよ、それにチキンを捨てにね。)
Penny: You'll never guess what just happened.(私に何があったと思う？)
Leonard: Oh, I give up.
Sheldon: I don't guess. As a scientist I reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation, although as I'm saying this it occurs to me you may have been employing a rhetorical device rendering my response moot.(僕は推測はしないね。君は僕の反応を模擬的にするために修辞的な言い方をしてると思うけど、あえて言わせてもらえば、僕は科学者として、観察と実験に基づいて結論に達するんだ。)
Penny: What was that?(何それ？)
Leonard: Believe it or not, personal growth. What happened?
Penny: Alright, remember when I auditioned for that workshop production of Rent*, but I didn't get it and I couldn't figure out why?(ところで、レントの研修会に応募した時のこと覚えてる、私受からなかったんだけどどうしてかわからなかったの) *ブロードウェイ・ミュージカル「ＲＥＮＴ」
Sheldon: I have a conclusion based on an observation.(僕は観察に基づく結論を得たけど。)
Leonard: No you don't. No he doesn't.
Penny: Well, the girl they picked to play Mimi, she dropped out and they asked me to replace her.(ミミの役に選ばれた子が脱落しちゃって、彼らが私に代われって言ってんのよ。)
Leonard: Oh, congratulations, what a lucky break.
Penny: It's not a big deal, just a one night showcase, but they invite a lot of casting people and agents so, you never know.(大したことじゃないわ。一晩の代役よ。でも彼らは大勢の配役関係者と代理人を招いているの。
Sheldon: I think I know.
Leonard: No you don't. He doesn't.
Penny: It's this Friday at eight, you guys want to come?(それが今週の金曜日なの。あなたたち来ない？)
Together: No.
Leonard: Because…. uh, Friday, we are attending a symposium on molecular positronium.(というのは、金曜日は分子ポジトロニウムのシンポジウムに参加するんだ。)
Sheldon: I think that's a week from Tuesday at six.(それって1週間後の火曜日の6時だと思うけど。)
Leonard: No, it's this Friday, at eight.(違うよ、金曜日の8時だ。)
Penny: Oh, too bad, well, I got to get to rehearsal, see you guys.(残念ね、私リハーサルに行かなきゃ。またね。)
Leonard: See you. (Penny exits singing)
Sheldon: You just lied to Penny.(ペニーにうそついたね。)
Leonard: Yes, I did.
Sheldon: And you did it so casually, no rapid breathing, no increase in perspiration.(君はよく普通にできるね、息も早めず、呼吸も荒げず。)
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: So, lack of a physiological response while lying is characteristic of a violent sociopath.(嘘は暴力的反社会性をもつのに, 君は心理的な反応もないね。)
Leonard: Sheldon, are you worried about your safety？(シェルダン、君は自分の安全性を心配してるのかい？)
Sheldon: No, I imagine if you were going to kill me you'd have done it a long time ago.(そんなことないよ、君が僕を殺そうと思ってるならとっくの昔にしてるだろうからね。)
Leonard: That's very true.(正にその通り。)

Leonard exits. Sheldon looks worried for a moment, then retrieves the chicken from the bin and follows.

[Outside Leonard's bedroom]
Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard…
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: I need to speak to you.
Leonard: It's two o'clock in the morning
Sheldon: It's important.
Leonard: I highly doubt that. Go away. (Long pause). Are you still out there?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: (opening door) What?
Sheldon: You're right, it can wait until morning.
Leonard: (following Sheldon into living room) What, what, what, what, what?
Sheldon: Never mind. I clearly woke you up in the middle of a REM cycle, you're in no state to talk.(気にしないで。明らかに君のREM睡眠中に起こしてしまったから、君は話をする状態じゃないね。)
Leonard: Sheldon, what is it?
Sheldon: I'm uncomfortable having been included in your lie to Penny.(ペニーに対する君のうそに巻き込まれちゃったから、僕は心地よくないんだ。)
Leonard: What was I supposed to say.(なんて言えばよかったのさ。)
Sheldon: You could have told her the truth.(本当のことも言えたのに。)
Leonard: That would have hurt her feelings.(そんなことしたら彼女を傷つけたさ。)
Sheldon: Is that a relevant factor?(それって関係する因子なのかい。)
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Then I suppose you could have agreed to go.(だったら行くって言えばよかったのに。)
Leonard: And what would I have said afterwards?(今からなんて言えばいいの？)
Sheldon: I would suggest something to the effect of, singing is neither an appropriate vocation nor avocation for you, and if you disagree, I'd recommend you have a CAT scan, to look for a tumour pressing on the cognitive processing centre of your brain.(歌は君の仕事でも趣味でもないからとか。もしそれがいやなら、断層診断を受けて君の脳の認識中枢に腫瘍を見つけてもらえば？)
Leonard: I couldn't say that, I would have to say, you were terrific and I can't wait to hear you sing again.(そんなこと言えないよ。「君の歌は素晴らしい、ぜひもう一度聞きたい」とか言うべきだったのに。)
Sheldon: Why?(どうして？)
Leonard: It's the social protocol, it's what you do when you have a friend who's proud of something they really suck at.(それは社会的な決まり事で、君の友達が下手なことに自信を持ってたら、君はそう言うってことになってるんだ。)
Sheldon: I was not aware of that.(そいつは知らなかった。)
Leonard: Well now you are.(それなら今知ったことになる。)
Sheldon: Oh, alright. Leonard.
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: When we played chess earlier, you were terrific and I can't wait to play you again. Goodnight.(以前君とチェスをした時、君はすごく強かったからもう一度したいよ。おやすみ。)

[Leonard's bedroom]
Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock)…..
Leonard: Oooaw. This would be so much easier if I were a violent sociopath. (Opening door) What?(あー、こんな時反社会的な行動が取れたら簡単なんだけどな。何？)
Sheldon: I was analysing our lie, and I believe we're in danger of Penny seeing through the ruse.(僕らのうそを分析してみたんだけど、ペニーにたくらみを見破られる可能性が高いってわかったんだ。)
Leonard: How?
Sheldon: Simple. If she were to log on to www.socalphysicsgroup.org/activities/other, click on upcoming events, scroll down to seminars, download the pdf schedule, and look for the seminar on molecular positronium, well then, bippidy-boppidy-boo, our pants are metaphorically on fire.(単純だよ。もし彼女がwww.socalphysicsgroup.org/activities/otherにログオンして、近々の行事をクリックしてセミナーをスクロールダウンしてスケジュールのpdfファイルをダウンロードして分子ポジトロニウムのセミナーを探せば、そしたら、ビビディバビデ・ブー、僕らのパンツは、例えて言えば、燃えちゃうよ。)

Leonard closes door.
Sheldon: Well, sir, my trousers will not be igniting today.(僕のズボンは今日は燃えないよ。)

[Outside Penny's door]
Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Penny, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Penny, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Penny, (door opens) Good morning.
Penny: Do you have any idea what time it is?(今何時だわかってんの？)
Sheldon: Of course I do. My watch is linked to the atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado. It's accurate to one tenth of a second. But as I'm saying this it occurs to me that once again your question may have been rhetorical.(もちろんわかってるよ。僕の時計はコロラドのボルダーの原子時計とリンクしてるからね。10分の1秒の精度さ。でも、これを言ってるときに君の質問がまたも婉曲的な意味だって気がついたけどね。)
Penny: What do you want?
Sheldon: Remember how Leonard told you we couldn't come to your performance because we were attending a symposium on molecular positronium?(君の公演の時にどうして僕らが行けないか、レナードが言った理由が分子ポジトロニウムのシンポジウムに参加するためって言ったのを覚えてる？)
Penny: I remember symposium.(シンポジウムってのは覚えてるわ。)
Sheldon: Yes, well, he lied.(そう、でもそれは嘘なんだ。)
Penny: Wait, what?
Sheldon: He lied, and I'm feeling very uncomfortable about it.(彼が嘘をついて、それが僕には心地よくないんだ。)
Penny: Well imagine how I'm feeling.(私が何を感じてるかわかる？)
Sheldon: Hungry? Tired? I'm sorry this really isn't my strong suit.(空腹？疲れてる？ごめん、そういうの得意じゃないんだ。)

[The living room]
Leonard: You told her I lied, why would you tell her I lied?(僕が嘘ついたってどうして彼女に言ったの？)
Sheldon: To help you.(君を助けるためさ。)
Leonard: I'm sorry, I'm not seeing the help.(ごめん、僕は助けなんて求めてないよ。)
Sheldon: She was going to see through your lie eventually, so I told her that you were lying to protect me.(彼女は結局君のうそを見破るよ、だから君を守るために彼女に君が嘘ついたって言ったのさ。)
Leonard: Oh, I'm getting a bad feeling.(気分が悪くなってきた。)
Sheldon: Hunger? Indigestion, I'm sorry I'm really not very good at this. Anyway, Penny now believes that on Friday night, we're going to participate in my cousin Leopold's drug intervention.(空腹かい？消化不良、ごめん、そういうのは得意じゃないんだけど、とにかくペニーは今、僕らが金曜日の夜に僕のいとこのレオポルドの薬物治療処置に参加するって信じてるんだ。)
Leonard: Your cousin Leopold?(君のいとこのレオポルド？)
Sheldon: Yea, who most people call Leo, but he also answers to Lee, remember that, it's important.(そう、みんなレオって呼んでる、でもリーとも言うね、忘れないでそれって重要だから。)
Leonard: What's important?(何が重要なのさ？)
Sheldon: Details, Leonard, the success or failure of our deceitful enterprise turns on details.(詳細に言えばレナード、僕らのたくらみが成功するか失敗するかは些細なところで決まるんだ。)
Leonard: Do you have a cousin Leopold.(君にはいとこのレオポルドなんているのか？)
Sheldon: No, I made him up. I think you'd call him Lee.(いや、僕がでっちあげたのさ。僕は君がリーって呼ぶと考えてる。)
Leonard: I don't get it, I already told her a lie, why replace it with a different lie?(理解できない、僕が彼女にうそついたのを、君は別のうそで置き換えたのかい？)
Sheldon: Well, first of all, your lie was laughably transparent, where mine is exquisitely convoluted. While you were sleeping I was weaving an un-unravelable web.(まず第一に、君のうそは笑えるくらい見え透いてた、でも僕のは注意深く仕組まれている。君が寝てる間に、ほどけないように嘘を編みあげたんだ。)
Leonard: Un-unravelable?(ほどけない？)
Sheldon: Yes, if she googles Leopold Houston she'll find a facebook page, an online blog depicting his descent into drug use, and a desperate yet hopeful listing on e-harmony.com.(そう、もし彼女がグーグルで検索すればフェイスブックのページと、彼が薬物使用に陥ったっていうオンラインブログと、e-harmony.comで厄介だけどまだ望みありのリストを見つけるよ。)
Leonard: Okay, why would I go to a drug intervention for your cousing.(オーケー、でもどうして僕が君のいとこの薬物治療処置に参加するんだ。)
Sheldon: Ah, because it's in Long Beach, and I don't drive.(それがロングビーチであって、僕は運転できないからさ。)
Leonard: We're going to Long Beach?(僕らロングビーチにいくの？)
Sheldon: No, of course not, there's no cousin Leo, there's no intervention, focus Leonard.(もちろん行かないよ、いとこのレオなんていないし、薬物資料もないし、焦点を合わせてレナード。)
Leonard: Oh, come on!(何言ってんだよ。)
Sheldon: We just leave the house on Friday night, and we return in the wee hours emotionally wrung out from the work of convincing Leo to go back into rehab.(僕らは金曜の夜に単に家を出て、レオが更生施設に戻るよう説得するのに精神的に疲れ果てて、夜中に戻ってくるんだ。)
Leonard: So he goes back into rehab?(それじゃ、彼は更生施設に戻るのかい？)
Sheldon: Yes, but, he can relapse if Penny ever invites us to go hear her sing again.(その通り、でももしもペニーがまた彼女の歌を聴くように誘ったら彼を入れ替えることができる。)
Leonard: You still told her I lied.(それでも、僕が嘘をついてるって言うのか。)
Sheldon: For a noble purpose, to spare me the social embarrassment of having a drug-addled first cousin, which I'm assuming is embarrassing, yes?(高貴な目的のために薬におぼれたいとこがいるって社会的な恥辱を受けるのを避けるためにね。それが社会的な恥辱かって？その通り。)
Leonard: I don't know. How am I supposed to remember all of this.(それを全部僕が覚えてるか分かんないよ。)
Sheldon: That's the best part, you don't have to, see I told Penny that you would be embarrassed, if you knew that she found out that you had lied, so she's agreed to operate as if the original lie was still in force.(そこが重要なんだ。君は覚えてなくたっていい。僕はペニーに、彼女が君のうそを知ったら君が当惑するから、彼女は君のうそを知らずに、君を信じてることするように言ってある。)
Leonard: So she's expecting me to lie about going to a symposium in Pasadena, when in actuality we're pretending to go to a drug intervention in Long Beach?(つまり、彼女は僕がパサデナのシンポジウムに行くって嘘をついて、実はロングビーチの薬物更生施設行くふりするって思ってるわけ？)
Sheldon: Un-unravelable.(ばれないよ。)

[The apartment]



Leonard: (opening door) Oh hey Penny, wow, look at you, all ready for your showcase, you look great.(やあペニー、ワオ、もう公演会場に居るみたいだ。すごいね。)
Penny: Thanks. I just wanted to come by and wish you guys luck with your symposium.(ありがとう。ちょっと来てみたの。いいシンポジウムだといいね。)
Leonard: Oh, well, thankyou.
Penny: You know, I got to tell you, a lot of friends would let their friend go alone, but that's not who you are, you are the kind of guy who stands by a friend when… when he has a symposium to go to.(えーと、ちょっと言いたかったんだけど、友達を一人で行かせる人も多いけど、あなったたちはそうじゃないよね。あなたたちはシンポジウムに行かなきゃなんない時でも友達に付き添うよね。)
Leonard: I don't know what to say.(なんて言ったらいいかわからないよ。)
Penny: It's okay, Leonard (hugs him.)
Leonard: Oh, okay, alright, good.
Howard: (arriving) Oh boy, group hug.
Penny: Uh-huh!
Howard: Uh-huh?
Penny: Uh-huh!
Howard: Okay. So what's up?
Sheldon: Well, uh, Penny is on her way to perform in a one night showcase production of Rent, which we are unable to attend because we are going to a symposium on molecular positronium, given by Dr Emile Farminfarmian.(ペニーはレントの一夜の特別公演に行くところなんだ。僕らはエミール・ファーミンファーミアンの分子ポジトロニウムのシンポジウムに行くからそれに参加できないんだよ。)
Howard: Wait a minute, Farminfarmian is speaking and you're Bogarding the symposium.(ちょっと待って。君らはファーミンファーミアンがしゃべるシンポジウムに出席するのかい。)
Leonard: Howard, I'm sorry… we're… we're
Howard: No, no, you're quark-blocking us.(いや、君は僕らを出し抜くつもりだ。)
Leonard: I don't know what to say.
Howard: Wow.
Leonard: Howard, listen…
Howard: No, it's okay, it's your Millenium Falcon*, you and Chewbacca do whatever you want to do. Me and Princess Leia here will find some other way to spend the evening.(いや、わかったよ。それは君のファルコン号だ。君とチューバッカはやりたいことをやればいいんだ。僕とレイア姫はこの夕べに別のことして過ごすよ。) *「スター・ウォーズ・シリーズ」に登場するハン・ソロを船長とした架空の宇宙船
Penny: Howard, wait. Sheldon, I think we should tell them.(ハワード、ちょっと待って。シェルダン、彼らに言うべきよ。)
Sheldon: Okay, sure. I don't see a problem with that.(そうだね。言ってもいいよ。)
Penny: There's no symposium, Leonard lied to me, isn't that right Leonard.(シンポジウムはないの。レナードは嘘ついてるの、そうでしょ、レナード。)
Leonard: Well… I don't know what to say.(えーと、なんて言っていいかわからないよ。)
Penny: It's okay, I do, look, Leonard is helping Sheldon through a family crisis, he made up the whole story about the symposium with Dr Farmin..farm…ian(なら私が言うわ。レナードはシェルダンの家族の危機を救おうとして、ファーなんとか言う博士の話しをでっち上げたの。)
Sheldon: Good for you.
Penny: Hah, yeah! Because he didn't want Sheldon to be embarrassed, and there is nothing to be embarrassed okay, every family in America has a relative holed up in a garage somewhere huffing paint thinner.(彼はシェルダンを辱めないように、屈辱じゃないけどね、アメリカじゃどの家族もガレージかなんかでシンナーやってる親戚の一人や二人はいるからね。)
Howard: (after Raj whispers in his ear) No, I'm lost too, I think she skipped a step.(いや、僕もわからないよ、彼女は何か飛ばしてる。)
Penny: No, look, Sheldon's cousin Leo escaped rehab, and he's in a Motel 8 at Long Beach, the whole family's going out for an intervention. Leonard is driving Sheldon down there to help him through this because he's such a good man.(いえ、シェルダンのいとこのレオが更生施設を抜け出してロングビーチのモーテル8に居て、家族みんなが調停に集まってるの。レナードはいい人だから、彼を救うためにシェルダンを車で送ろうとしてるの。)
Leonard: Oh, another hug, thank you.
Penny: Alright you guys, good luck.
Leonard: Thanks Penny.
Howard: Yeah, uh, break a leg.(頑張ってね。)
Sheldon: Break a leg. (頑張って。)(She leaves)
Howard: So, road trip to Long Beach.(それで、ロングビーチまで車で行くの。)
Leonard: No, we're not going to Long Beach.(いや、僕らはロングビーチま行かない。)
Raj: Why not?
Leonard: Because Sheldon doesn't have a drug addicted cousin Leopold.(なぜなら、シェルダンには薬物中毒のいとこなんていないからさ。)
Raj: Oh, too bad. I've always wanted to go to Long Beach.(残念、僕はいつもロングビーチに行きたいと思ってたのに。)
Sheldon: It's a very nice community. The Queen Mary is docked there, once the largest ocean liner in the world, it's now a hotel and restaurant where they host a surprisingly gripping murder mystery dinner.(とってもいいとこだよ。クイーン・メリー号もあそこのドックに入ってる。かつては世界一大きな客船で、今は興味深い殺人ミステリーディナーの会場になったホテルとレストランだ。)
Raj: Sounds fun.<(おもしろそう。)br> Howard: I'm game.(その話に乗るよ。)
Raj: Shotgun.
Sheldon: No, no, no, Leonard gets nauseous unless he sits in front, and even then it's iffy.(ちゃうちゃう、レナードは前に座らないと吐き気がする、たとえそうしたとしてもどうなるかわからないけどね。)
Leonard: Wait, are we really going to Long Beach?(待って、本当にロングビーチに行くのかい？)

[Leonard's bedroom. The bedside table is piled with Queen Mary memorabilia]
Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard…
Leonard: Let it go, Sheldon, the murderer was the first mate whether it makes sense to you or not.(ほっといてよ、シェルダン、君がそう思うかどうか知らんが殺人犯は一等航海士だったんだ。)
Sheldon: No, that's the least of our worries. I've been doing some research on addiction, both the biochemical and behavioural aspects, and I think there's a problem with the current version of our lie.(いや、それは気にすることじゃない。僕は生化学と行動学の観点から中毒に関して調べて、今ついてるうそに問題点があることが分かったんだ。)
Leonard: What are you talking about, it's fine, she bought it, it's over.(何言ってんの、彼女は信じてるんだから大丈夫だ、この件はおしまいだよ。)
Sheldon: Sadly, it's not. Substance abuse is a lifelong struggle, but beyond that I have realised that the Leo I described would not have agreed to go to rehab.(残念ながら、それは違うよ。薬物乱用は生涯続く戦いだ。でもそれ以外に、僕はレオが更生施設に行くことに同意しないってわかったんだ。)
Leonard: Why not?
Sheldon: Because Leo is a middle child.(なぜなら、レオは真ん中っ子なんだ。)
Leonard: There is no Leo, how can you say that?(レオなんていないのにどうしてそんなこと言えるの？)
Sheldon: You didn't read the bio, did you? He's not just a middle child, he's the quintessential middle child, from a broken home to boot. Psychologically speaking, the attention he gets by rebelling even to the point of self-destruction is more emotionally valuable than the help he would get at rehab.(経歴書読まなかったの？彼は真ん中っ子なだけじゃなくて、崩壊した家庭から新兵になった典型的な真ん中っ子なんだ。心理学的にいえば、反抗したり自己破滅さえしたりすることで注目を集めるのは、更生施設で救済されるよりも感情的に価値があることなんだ。)
Leonard: I've got a solution.(解決がわかったよ。)
Sheldon: Great, what is it?(すごい、それって何？)
Leonard: Get out.(出てってくれ。)
Sheldon: Fine. (わかった。)(He leaves. A moment later he comes back.) I've hesitated to point this out, but I must now remind you that we are in our current predicament because of your initial and totally inadequate deceit. I'm just trying to clean up after your mess. (これ言うの躊躇したんだけど、君に言っとくよ、君が初めに不適切な策を弄したから僕らは結局不都合な状況にあるんだ。君の後始末のために僕は事態を整理しようとしたんだ。)(Leonard throws a glass ornament at him. He just manages to shut the door in time.) We'll talk in the morning.(朝話そう。)

[The living room]
(Leonard enters in his dressing gown. There is a strange man eating cereal at the kitchen table)
Strange man: Morning.
Leonard: Who are you?
Man: I am Sheldon's cousin Leo.
Leonard: Oh, God! Sheldon does not have a cousin Leo.
Man: Au contraire. I'm 26 years old, I'm originally from (reads off crib notes) Denton, Texas, but I was a Navy brat so I was brought up on a variety of military bases around the world, as a result I've often felt like an outsider, never really fitting in, which is probably the reason for my substance abuse problem.(ところがどっこい。僕は26歳、もともとテキサスのデントン出身だけど、海軍兵のガキだから世界のいろんな軍隊の基地で育ったんだ。その結果、しばしば部外者みたいに感じて、本当に周囲に溶け込んだことはなかった。それが多分薬物依存の理由さ。)
Sheldon: Excuse me, we just went over this. As the quintessential middle child, your addiction is rooted in your unmet need for attention.(失礼、僕らはこれを検討したじゃない。典型的な真ん中っ子として、君の中毒は、周りの注意を引くことができなかったところに原因があるんだ。)
Man: Oh, Sheldon, are we really going to go with pop psychology*.(あー、シェルダン、僕らは本当にポップ心理の線で行くのかい。) *擬似心理学的カウンセリング
Sheldon: For your information, this is all based on solid research, stick with the character profile I wrote for you.(君への情報として、これはきちんとした調査に基づいてるんだ、僕が君のために書いたキャラクターに沿ってくれよ。)
Leonard: Sheldon?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Leonard, this is Toby Loobenfeld, he's a research assistant in the particle physics lab, but he also minored in theatre at MIT.(失礼、レナード。こちらはトビー・ルーベンフェルド、彼は素粒子物理の研究助手、でもMITで演劇も副専攻してる。)
Toby: It was more of a double major actually. Theatre and physics. You can guess which one my bourgeois parents pushed me towards.(実際は二学科専攻以上だ。演劇と物理学。僕のブルジョア両親はどっちを僕に薦めてると思う？)
Leonard: Yeah, I got it, Sheldon, why?
Sheldon: Well, you see, while Leo would not have gone into rehab, it is completely plausible that we would have talked him into leaving the motel, and coming home with us.(えーと、つまり、レオは厚生施設に戻らないで、僕らが彼にモーテルを出て僕らと一緒に来るように話したってのが一番妥当なんだ。)
Leonard: Oh…!
Toby: Sheldon, how about this as my motivation. When I was fourteen years old I was abused in the Philippines by a club footed Navy chaplain.(シェルダン、僕の動機としてこんなのはどうだい。僕が14歳の時、フィリピンで足の曲がった海軍所属の司祭に虐待された。)
Sheldon: No. We're going with middle child, and a generic predisposition to inadequate serotonin production.(だめ、僕らは真ん中っ子と、一般的なセロトニン生成不全体質の線で行く。)
Toby: Swell, how do I play genetic predisposition?(すごい、どうやって一般的なセロトニン生成不全体質を演じればいいの？)
Sheldon: Subtextually, of course. (脚本中の性格づけどおりさ、もちろん。)(There is a knock on the door.) Just have fun with it. (たのしんでやれよ。)(Opening door.) Morning Penny.
Penny: Hi. How did the intervention go.(はい、治療処置はどうだった？)
Sheldon: Unfortunately, we weren't able to convince him to go to rehab.(残念ながら、彼を厚生施設に戻るよう説得できなかったよ。)
Penny: Well, based on what you told me, I'm not surprised.(あなたが私に言ったことによれば驚かないわ。)
Sheldon: But we did convince him to leave the motel. Come say hello. Leo, this is Penny, our friend and neighbour.(だけど、僕らは彼をモーテルを出るように説得したんだ。挨拶して、レオ、こちらペニー、僕らの友達でお隣さんだ。)
Penny: Hi Leo, how are you feeling?
Toby: Let me ask you something, Penny. Have you ever woken up in a fleabag motel, covered in your own vomit, next to a transsexual prostitute?(ちょっと聞いてもいい、ペニー。安モーテルで自分の吐いたげろにまみれて、性転換の売春婦の隣で目が覚めたことあるかい。)
Penny: No.
Toby: Then don't ask me how I'm feeling.(じゃあ気分はどうなんて聞かないで。)
Leonard: Well, that's Leo. Hey, um, why don't you tell me about your showcase last night?(それがレオさ。昨夜の舞台公演はどうだった？。)
Penny: Oh, it was okay I guess, wasn't a big turn out but they both really seemed to like it.(多分うまくいったわ。大盛況ってわけじゃないけど、二人には受けたと思うわ。)
Leonard: There were only two people there?(たった二人だったの？。)
Penny: By the end. Yeah.(最後には、そう。)
Toby: Damn you, Chaplain Horrigan!
Penny: I'm… I'm sorry.
Toby: The Philippines. 1992. The Subic Bay Naval Station. A young boy on the cusp of manhood. His only companions mongrel dogs and malarial mosquitos. Desperate and alone he reached out to a man who promised to introduce him to a merciful, loving God, but who instead introduced him to a gin pickled tongue shoved down his adolescent throat. What choice did he have but to drink, shoot and snort his pain away.(フィリピン、1992年。スービック湾の海軍基地。大人になりかけの少年。彼の唯一の仲間は雑種犬とマラリアの蚊。自暴自棄と孤独の中でたどり着いたのは慈悲深く愛すべき神を紹介する男、でも彼が代わりに紹介したのは彼の青春喉に押し込んだジン漬の舌。彼は飲み込み、撃ちこみ、吸い込み、苦痛を吹き飛ばすしかなかった。)
Sheldon: Don't forget his genetic predisposition towards addiction.(彼の中毒に対する遺伝的傾向を忘れないで。)
Toby: That's never been proven.(それは証明されてるわけじゃないよ。)
Sheldon: There have been studies.(調査されてるよ。)
Toby: Not double blind studies.(二重盲検法じゃない。)
Sheldon: How could there be a double blind study, who would be the control group.(どうやって二重盲検法の調査やるの、誰が対照群になるのさ？)
Leonard: As you can see, detoxing can get pretty ugly, let's give them some privacy.(わかってると思うけど、解毒作用は醜いよ、プライバシーを尊重しなきゃ。)
Penny: Yeah. Hey, do you want to come over to my place, have coffee?(そうね、あの、私の部屋に来ない、コーヒーでもどう？).
Leonard: Sounds good.
Penny: I have a video of me singing last night, do you want to see it?(昨日歌った時のビデオがあるの、見たくない？)
Leonard: Gee, why wouldn't I?
Penny: This is even better than you coming to the showcase, because now I get to watch you watch me.(これって公演に来るよりもいいかも、だって私を見てるあなたを見れるもの。)
Leonard: Yeah! Funny how things work out.
Toby: And that he loved the companionship and the wisdom that his own father failed to provide.(それに、彼は父親が与えてくれなかった交際と賢明さを愛してるからね。)
Sheldon: Your parents made the right decision.
Toby: I cannot work like this!

[The apartment]
(Penny is on the sofa with Toby. They are watching TV)
Toby: This is amazing. Just sitting on a couch, watching TV with a woman. Not being drunk, or high, or… or… wondering if you're a dude down there.(驚きだ、女の人とテレビを見ながらソファーに座ってるなんて。酔っても、ハイになってもいないし、あそこにいる奴みたいだ。)
Penny: Leo, you are a very sweet, really funny guy. You're gonna do okay.(レオ、あなたは素敵よ、ほんとにおもしろい人。あなたはうまくいくわ。)
Toby: One day at a time, Penny, one day at a time.(ペニー、一日ごとにね。)
Leonard: How long is he going to stay here？(彼いつまでここに居るの？)
Sheldon: He's a homeless drug addict, Leonard, where is he going to go? Boy, you have a lot to learn about lying.(彼はホームレスの薬物中毒だし、どこへ行くんだろ？君は嘘つくことからいろんなこと学んだね。)

Story by Chuck Lorre
Teleplay by Bill Prady & Lee Aronsohn
Japanese interpretaion by Norih