When A pair of brilliant theoretical physicists, Leonard and Sheldon, meet new neighbor Penny, a cute and a little frivolous girl, Leonard is excited, but Sheldon is less enthusiastic for he feels his friend is only chasing a dream he'll never catch. And Penny shows them how little they know about the real world.
(カリフォルニア工科大学の物理学者で頭の良さが売りのルームメイト、シェルダンとレナードのアパートの隣部屋に可愛くて、ちょっとチャラい女の子ペニーが越してきた。冷静なシェルダンに対しレナードは大興奮、見果てぬ夢を描き始める。ペニーの頼みを引き受け、レナードとシェルダンは元彼カートのところにテレビを引き取りに行くと、体力の違いは歴然、ズボンを脱がされ追い返される。そして、ペニーは、やがて二人の常識と世間の常識がかけ離れていることを気付かせ始める。）
[A corridor at a sperm bank]
Sheldon: So if a photon is directed through a plane with two slits in it and either slit is observed it will not go through both slits. If it's unobserved it will, however, if it's observed after it's left the plane but before it hits its target, it will not have gone through both slits.
(それでもしも、2つのスリットあってどちらかのスリットが観測されているような平面を光子が通過するとしたら、それは両方とも通過することはないだろうね。もしも観測されていないなら通過するし、だけどもしそれが平面を離れた後で観測されるとしたらターゲットに当たるし、両方のスリットを通過することはないだろう。
Leonard: Agreed, what's your point?(そりゃそうだけど、いったい何が言いたいんだ。）
Sheldon: There's no point, I just think it's a good idea for a tee-shirt.（いや別に、ただＴ－シャツにしたらおもしろいかと思って。）
Leonard: Excuse me?
Receptionist: Hang on.（ちょっと待って）
Leonard: One across is Aegean, eight down is Nabakov, twenty-six across is MCM, fourteen down is… move your finger… phylum, which makes fourteen across . See, Papa Doc's capital idea, that's Port-au-Prince*. Haiti.(１の横はエーゲ海、8の縦はナバロフ、26の横はMCM、14の縦は･･･、指を動かして、語系、それは14の横、Port-au-Princeだ。そうだPapa Docの名案、ポルトープランス、ハイチだ。 *ポルトープランス、ハイチの首都。
Receptionist: Can I help you?
Leonard: Yes. Um, is this the High IQ sperm bank?（ここは高IQ精子銀行ですか？）
Receptionist: If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn't be here.（そんなこと聞かなきゃわかんないなら、ここへ来るべきじゃないね。）
Sheldon: I think this is the place.（ここがその場所だと思うよ。）
Receptionist: Fill these out.（これに記入して）
Leonard: Thank-you. We'll be right back.
Receptionist: Oh, take your time. I'll just finish my crossword puzzle. Oh wait.（ごゆっくり、わたしゃクロスワードパズルを終わらせるから。）
[They fill in forms]
Sheldon: Leonard, I don't think I can do this.（レナード、僕にはこれできないよ）
Leonard: What, are you kidding? You're a semi-pro.（冗談だろ、君はセミプロじゃないか。）
Sheldon: No. We are committing genetic fraud. There's no guarantee that our sperm is going to generate high IQ offspring, think about that. I have a sister with the same basic DNA mix who hostesses at Fuddruckers*.（違うよ、僕ら遺伝子詐欺働こうとしてるんだ。だって、僕らの精子が高IQの子孫を作るとは限らないだろ。それを考えてるのさ。僕には同じ遺伝子の組み合わせだけどファドラッカーの給仕係やってる妹がいるんだ。）
*ステーキハウスチェーン店
Leonard: Sheldon, this was your idea. A little extra money to get fractional T1 bandwidth in the apartment.（シェルダン、これは君のアイデアなんだぜ。T1バンド幅のワイヤレスをアパ－トに入れるためのお金を稼ごうってさ。）
Sheldon: I know, and I do yearn for faster downloads, but there's some poor woman is going to pin her hopes on my sperm, what if she winds up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve the area under a curve.（わかってるよ。高速ダウンロードに憧れてるからね。だけどあわれな女性が、彼女の希望を僕の精子につなごうとするなんて、もし彼女が曲線の下側の面積を解くのに積分を使うか微分か使うかわからないような幼児を手に入れたらどうするんだ。）
Leonard: I'm sure she'll still love him.（それでも彼女は子供を愛せるさ。）
Sheldon: I wouldn't.（僕は駄目だね。）
Leonard: Well, what do you want to do?（じゃあ、どうしたいの？）
Sheldon: I want to leave.（帰りたい。）
Leonard: Okay.
Sheldon: What's the protocol for leaving?（ここを出てく時はどうするんだろう。）
Leonard: I don't know, I've never reneged on a proffer of sperm before.（しらないよ。精子提供を取り消したことはないからね。）
Sheldon: Let's try just walking out.（ただ出て行こう。）
Leonard: Okay.
Receptionist: Bye.
Sheldon: Bye-bye.
Leonard: See you.
[The stairs of the apartment building]
Sheldon: Are you still mad about the sperm bank?（精子銀行のことまだ怒ってるの？）
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: You want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?（階段のことでおもしろいこと聞きたくない？）
Leonard: Not really.（いや別に。）
Sheldon: If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimetres, most people will trip.（一段の高さが2ミリずれてたら、殆どの人はつまずくんだ。）
Leonard: I don't care. Two millimetres? That doesn't seem right.（知らなかった。2ミリ？嘘みたい。）
Sheldon: No, it's true, I did a series of experiments when I was twelve, my father broke his clavicle.（いや、本当だ。僕が12歳の時実験したんだ。僕の父さんは鎖骨を折ったよ。）
Leonard: Is that why they sent you to boarding school?（それで寄宿舎学校に入れられたのかい？）
Sheldon: No, that was the result of my work with lasers.（いや、それはレーザーを使った試験のせいさ。）
Leonard: New neighbour?（新しいお隣さんかい？）
Sheldon: Evidently.
Leonard: Significant improvement over the old neighbour.（前の隣人よりずっといいね。）
Sheldon: Two hundred pound transvestite with a skin condition, yes she is.（200ポンドの皮膚病もちの服装倒錯者だったからね、彼女はずっといいよ。）
Penny: Oh, hi!
Leonard: Hi.
Sheldon: Hi.
Leonard: Hi.
Sheldon: Hi.
Penny: Hi?
Leonard: We don't mean to interrupt, we live across the hall.（邪魔するつもりじゃなかったんだけど。僕ら廊下の向い側に住んでるんだ。）
Penny: Oh, that's nice.
Leonard: Oh… uh… no… we don't live together… um… we live together but in separate, heterosexual bedrooms.（おー、．．．うー．．．、一緒に住んでる訳じゃなくて、別々にね、異性愛の寝室で。）
Penny: Oh, okay, well, guess I'm your new neighbour, Penny.（おー、オーケー、私が新しい隣人みたいね、ペニーよ。）
Leonard: Leonard, Sheldon.
Penny: Hi.
Leonard: Hi.
Sheldon: Hi.
Penny: Hi.
Leonard: Hi. Well, uh, oh, welcome to the building.
Penny: Thankyou, maybe we can have coffee sometime.
Leonard: Oh, great.
Penny: Great.
Sheldon: Great.
Leonard: Great. Well, bye.
Penny: Bye.
Sheldon: Bye.
Leonard: Bye.
Leonard: Should we have invited her for lunch?（彼女を昼食に招待するべきだったかな？）
Sheldon: No. We're going to start Season Two of Battlestar Galactica.（いや、僕らはバトルスター・ギャラクティカのシーズン２を観始めるんだ。）
Leonard: We already watched the Season Two DVDs.（僕らは既にシーズン２のDVDを観たよ。）
Sheldon: Not with commentary.（解説付きじゃない。）
Leonard: I think we should be good neighbours, invite her over, make her feel welcome.（僕らはよき隣人になるべきだ、彼女を招待して、歓迎してるって感じさせてさ。）
Sheldon: We never invited Louis-slash-Louise over.（僕らはルイス／ルイーズをを招待したことはなかった。）
Leonard: Well, then that was wrong of us. We need to widen our circle..（あれは僕らの間違いだったよ。僕らはサークルの輪を広げるべきだ。）
Sheldon: I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on myspace.（僕らはとても広いサークルの輪をもってる。マイ・スペースに212人の友達がいる。）
Leonard: Yes, and you've never met one of them.（そう、でも君は彼らに会ったことがない。）
Sheldon: That's the beauty of it..（それがいいとこなんじゃないか。）
Leonard: I'm going to invite her over. We'll have a nice meal and chat.（僕は彼女を招待したい。おいしい食べ物食べて、楽しい会話をするんだ。）
Sheldon: Chat? We don't chat. At least not offline.（会話?僕らは会話なんてしないよ。少なくともオフ・ラインではね。）
Leonard: Well it's not difficult, you just listen to what she says and then you say something appropriate in response.（そんなの難しいことじゃないよ君は彼女の言うことを聞いて、それで君が何か適当なことを答えればいいんじゃないか。）
Sheldon: To what end?（何のために？）
Leonard: Hi. Again.
Penny: Hi.
Sheldon: Hi.
Leonard: Hi.
Penny: Hi.
Leonard: Anyway, um. We brought home Indian food. And, um. I know that moving can be stressful, and I find that when I'm undergoing stress, that good food and company can have a comforting effect. Also, curry is a natural laxative, and I don't have to tell you that, uh, a clean colon is just one less thing to worry about.（とにかく。インド料理を買ってきたんだけど。引越しはストレスがたまるし、ストレスがあるときはおいしい料理と仲間があればなごむよ。それに、カレーは天然の便秘薬だし、こんなこと言う必要ないけど、きれいな結腸は安心だからね。）
Sheldon: Leonard, I'm not expert here but I believe in the context of a luncheon invitation, you might want to skip the reference to bowel movements.（レナード、僕は専門家じゃないけど昼食招待に関連して便通の話することないんじゃない。）
Penny: Oh, you're inviting me over to eat?（あら、あんた達私を食事に誘ってくれてるの？）
Leonard: Uh, yes.
Penny: Oh, that's so nice, I'd love to.
Leonard: Great.
Penny: So, what do you guys do for fun around here?（ところで、あなたたち何か楽しいことしてる？）
Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money.（今日はお金のためにマスターベーションしようとしたんだ。）
[Sheldon and Leonard's apartment]
Leonard: Okay, well, make yourself at home.（オーケー、さあ、楽にしてね。）
Penny: Okay, thankyou.
Leonard: You're very welcome.
Penny: This looks like some serious stuff, Leonard, did you do this?（これってむずかしそうね、レナード、あなたが書いたの？）
Sheldon: Actually that's my work.（実際、これは僕が書いたんだ。）
Penny: Wow.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, it's just some quantum mechanics, with a little string theory doodling around the edges. That part there, that's just a joke, it's a spoof of the Bourne-Oppenheimer approximation.（これはひも理論を絡めた量子力学についていたずら書きしたんだよ。ほらあの部分はただの冗談でさ、ボーン／オッペンハイマーの近似をもじったものなんだ。）
Penny: So you're like, one of those, beautiful mind* genius guys.（ってことは、あなたはあのビューティフルマインドに出てくる天才みたいな人？） *ノーベル経済学賞受賞の実在の天才数学者、ジョン・ナッシュの半生を描いた2001年のアメリカ映画。
Sheldon: Yeah.
Penny: This is really impressive.
Leonard: I have a board. If you like boards, this is my board.
Penny: Holy smokes.（すごーい！）
Sheldon: If by holy smokes you mean a derivative restatement of the kind of stuff you can find scribbled on the wall of any men's room at MIT, sure..（"すごーい！"って、MITのだれの部屋の壁にでも見られるような殴り書きについて言ってるんだったらそうかもね。）
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Oh, come on. Who hasn't seen this differential below "here I sit broken hearted"?（「失意のうちにここに座す」の下にある微分を見たぜ。）
Leonard: At least I didn't have to invent twenty-six dimensions just to make the math come out.（少なくとも、数式の解を出すのに26次式を発明しなくてもいいだろ。）
Sheldon: I didn't invent them, they're there.（僕が26次式を発明したわけじゃなくてそこにあったんだ。）
Leonard: In what universe?
Sheldon: In all of them, that is the point.
Penny: Uh, do you guys mind if I start?
Sheldon: Um, Penny, that's where I sit.
Penny: So, sit next to me.
Sheldon: No, I sit there.
Penny: What's the difference?
Sheldon: What's the difference?
Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer it's directly in the path of a cross breeze created by open windows there, and there. It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide to create a parallax distortion, I could go on, but I think I've made my point.
(冬にはラジエータのそばで温かいし、汗をかくほど暑すぎない。夏には空けた窓から風が入ってくるし。テレビには会話を妨げなくて、視差のゆがみがない角度で向き合ってる、もっとあるけど要はそんなとこさ。
Penny: Do you want me to move?
Sheldon: Well.
Leonard: Just sit somewhere else.
Sheldon: Fine. (Wanders in circles, looking lost.)
Leonard: Sheldon, sit!
Sheldon: Aaah!
Leonard: Well this is nice. We don't have a lot of company over.
Sheldon: That's not true. Koothrapali and Wolowitz come over all the time.
Leonard: Yes I now, but…
Sheldon: Tuesday night we played Klingon boggle until one in the morning.(火曜の夜には午前1時までクリンゴンボッグルゲームをやっているよ。)
Leonard: Yes, I remember.
Sheldon: I resent you saying we don't have company.
Leonard: I'm sorry.
Sheldon: That is an antisocial implication.(それって僕らが社交的じゃないって言ってるみたいだ)
Leonard: I said I'm sorry.
Penny: So, Klingon boggle?
Leonard: Yeah, it's like regular boggle but, in Klingon. That's probably enough about us, tell us about you.
Penny: Um, me, okay, I'm Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.
（私はいて座、あなたたちは興味ないかもしれないけど）
Sheldon: Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the Sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations and the time of your birth somehow effects your personality.（その通り、それって星座に対する太陽の見かけの位置と生まれた時期が性格に影響するっていう、大衆的な幻想を君が信じてるってことでしょ。）
Penny: Participate in the what?
Leonard: I think what Sheldon's trying to say, is that Sagittarius wouldn't have been our first guess.（シェルダンが言いたかったのは、いて座ってのは僕らの想像と違ってたってことさ。）
Penny: Oh, yeah, a lot of people think I'm a water sign*. Okay, let's see, what else, oh, I'm a vegetarian, oh, except for fish, and the occasional steak, I love steak.(そうね、たいていの人は私が水の星座かと思うわ。例えば、私は菜食主義で、魚のお肉と時にはステーキも食べるけど、ステーキは好きよ。）
*signはいわゆる占星術の星座、water signは水の星座で蟹座、蠍座、魚座を含む
Sheldon: That's interesting. Leonard can't process corn.
Leonard: Wu-uh, do you have some sort of a job?
Penny: Oh, yeah, I'm a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.(そうね、私チーズケーキ・ファクトリーっていうレストランで働いてるの。）
Leonard: Oh, okay. I love cheesecake.
Sheldon: You're lactose intolerant.(君は乳糖不耐性じゃないか。）
Leonard: I don't eat it, I just think it's a good idea.
Penny: Oh, anyways, I'm also writing a screenplay. It's about this sensitive girl who comes to L.A. from Lincoln Nebraska to be an actress, and winds up a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.(とにかく、それに私は映画の台本書いてるの。ネブラスカのリンカーンから来た繊細な女の子が、女優を目指して結局チーズケーキ・ファクトリーのウェイトレスになるって話。）
Leonard: So it's based on your life?
Penny: No, I'm from Omaha.
Leonard: Well, if that was a movie I would go see it.
Penny: I know, right? Okay, let's see, what else? Um, that's about it. That's the story of Penny.
Leonard: Well it sounds wonderful.
Penny: It was. Until I fell in love with a jerk*. *若い女の子が、不快な男性を指して使う「むかつく奴」
Sheldon: (mouths) What's happening.
Leonard: (mouths back) I don't know.
Penny: Oh God, you know, four years I lived with him, four years, that's like as long as High School.(ああ、4年間も彼と住んでたのよ。ハイスクールと同じ長さよ）
Sheldon: It took you four years to get through High School?(君はハイスクール卒業するのに4年もかかるの？）
Leonard: Don't.
Penny: I just, I can't believe I trusted him.
Leonard: Should I say something? I feel like I should say something.
Sheldon: You? No, you'll only make it worse.
Penny: You want to know the most pathetic part? Even though I hate his lying, cheating guts, I still love him. Is that crazy?(一番哀れなこと知りたい？それって、私が彼の嘘つきでずるいとこきらいなのに、まだ彼のこと愛してるってこと。狂ってるでしょ。）
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: No, it's not crazy it's, uh, uh, it's a paradox. And paradoxes are part of nature, think about light. Now if you look at Huygens, light is a wave, as confirmed by the double slit experiments, but then, along comes Albert Einstein and discovers that light behaves like particles too. Well, I didn't make it worse.(狂ってなんかいないよ。それは単なる「矛盾」ってやつだよ矛盾ってのは自然の一部なんだ。例えば光、ホイヘンスによれば二重すき間の実験で確かめられたように光は波だけど、アインシュタインによれば、光は粒子の振る舞いをするんだ。ねっ、僕は状況を悪くしてないだろ。）
Penny: Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm such a mess, and on top of everything else I'm all gross* from moving and my stupid shower doesn't even work.(ごめんなさい。私混乱してるわ。何よりも、私引越しで汚れて気持ち悪いのに私のとこシャワーが故障して使えないの。） *若い女性が「気持ち悪い」や「嫌な」でよく使う言葉。
Leonard: Our shower works.
Penny: Really? Would it be totally weird if I used it?(本当？。私シャワー使ってもいやじゃない？）
Sheldon: Yes.(いやだ。）
Leonard: No.(つかっていいよ。）
Sheldon: No?(いいの？）
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: No.
Leonard: It's right down the hall.
Penny: Thanks. You guys are really sweet.
Sheldon: Well this is an interesting development.
Leonard: How so?
Sheldon: It has been some time since we've had a woman take her clothes off in our apartment.(女性が服を脱いで僕らのシャワーを使うのは久しぶりじゃない？）
Leonard: That's not true, remember at Thanksgiving my grandmother with Alzheimer's had that episode.(そんなことないよ。サンクスギビングのときアルツハイマーの僕のおばちゃんが使ったじゃない。）
Sheldon: Point taken. It has been some time since we've had a woman take her clothes off after which we didn't want to rip our eyes out.(そういえばそうだ。じゃあ、女性が服を脱いだ後、僕らが目を開けたくなくなったようなことが起こってからしばらくたったね。）
Leonard: The worst part was watching her carve that turkey.（最悪なことに彼女が七面鳥を切り分けるの見ちゃったってことさ。
Sheldon: So, what exactly are you trying to accomplish here?
Leonard: Excuse me?
Sheldon: That woman in there's not going to have sex with you.（あの子は君とセックスなんかしないよ。）
Leonard: Well I'm not trying to have sex with her.（あの子とセックスしようなんて思ってないよ。）
Sheldon: Oh, good. Then you won't be disappointed.（そりゃよかった。それならがっかりしなくてすむよ。）
Leonard: What makes you think she wouldn't have sex with me, I'm a male and she's a female?（どうして彼女が僕とセックスしないなんて言えるのさ。僕は男で彼女は女なんだぜ）
Sheldon: Yes, but not of the same species.（そりゃそうだけど、別種だからね。）
Leonard: I'm not going to engage in hypotheticals here, I'm just trying to be a good neighbour.（僕は仮説にこだわってるわけじゃなくて、ただよき隣人であろうとしてるだけさ。）
Sheldon: Oh, of course.
Leonard: That's not to say that if a carnal relationship were to develop that I wouldn't participate. However briefly.（それは肉体的な関係が存在するとしても僕は参加しないっていう意味じゃないけどね。ところで端的に言おうよ。）
Sheldon: Do you think this possibility will be helped or hindered when she discovers your Luke Skywalker no-more-tears shampoo?（彼女がルーク・スカイウォーカーの涙でないシャンプーを見つけたらその可能性が増すかい、それとも低下すると思う？）
Leonard: It's Darth Vader shampoo. (There is a knock on the door.) Luke Skywalker's the conditioner.（あれはダースベーダー・シャンプーとルーク・スカイウォーカー・コンディショナーだよ。）
Howard: Wait till you see this.
Raj: It's fantastic. Unbelievable.
Leonard: See what?
Howard: It's a Stephen Hawking lecture from MIT in 1974.
Leonard: This is not a good time.
Howard: It's before he became a creepy computer voice:.
Leonard: That's great, you guys have to go.
Raj: Why?
Leonard: It's just not a good time.
Sheldon: Leonard has a lady over.
Howard: Yeah, right, your grandmother back in town?
Leonard: No. And she's not a lady, she's just a new neighbour.
Howard: Hang on, there really is a lady here?
Leonard: Uh-huh.
Howard: And you want us out because you're anticipating coitus?（それで君は性交を期待して僕らを外に出したいのか？）
Leonard: I'm not anticipating coitus.（そのなこと期待してないよ。）
Howard: So she's available for coitus?（じゃ彼女とやっちゃっていいの。）
Leonard: Can we please stop saying coitus?（性交の話やめてくれる。）
Sheldon: Technically that would be coitus interruptus.
Penny: Hey, is there a trick to getting it to switch from tub to shower. Oh. Hi, sorry. Hello!（ねえ、お湯を蛇口からシャワーに切り替えるのに特別なやり方があるの？）
Howard: Enchante Madamoiselle. Howard Wolowitz, Cal-Tech department of Applied Physics. You may be familiar with some of my work, it's currently orbiting Jupiter's largest moon taking high-resolution digital photographs.（はじめましてお嬢さん。カリフォルニア工科大応用物理学科のハワード・ウォロウィッツ。僕の仕事知ってますか、今、木星の一番大きな月の周りを回って高解像度デジタル写真を取ってるんだ。）
Penny: Penny. I work at the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard: Come on, I'll show you the trick with the shower.
Howard: Bon douche.
Penny: I'm sorry?
Howard: It's French for good shower. It's a sentiment I can express in six languages.（いまのフランス語で良いシャワーをって、ちょっとした挨拶だよ。ぼく6ヶ国語話せるんだ。）
Leonard: Save it for your blog, Howard.
Howard: See-ka-tong-guay-jow.
[In the bathroom]
Leonard: Uh, there it goes, it sticks, I'm sorry.
Penny: Okay. Thanks.
Leonard: You're welcome, oh, you're going to step right, okay, I'll….
Penny: Hey, Leonard?
Leonard: The hair products are Sheldon's.
Penny: Um, okay. Can I ask you a favour.（ちょっとお願いしていいかしら。）
Leonard: A favour? Sure, you can ask me a favour, I would do you a favour for you.（お願い？もちろんいいよ。）
Penny: It's okay if you say no.
Leonard: Oh, I'll probably say yes.
Penny: It's just not the kind of thing you ask a guy you've just met.（今会ったばかりの人に頼むようなことじゃないんだけど。）
Leonard: Wow.
[Inside Leonard's car]
Sheldon: I really think we should examine the chain of causality here.（ことの因果関係をはっきりさせたいんだけど。）
Leonard: Must we?
Sheldon: Event A. A beautiful woman stands naked in our shower. Event B. We drive half way across town to retrieve a television set from the aforementioned woman's ex-boyfriend. Query, on what plane of existence is there even a semi-rational link between these events?（イベントA：可愛い女の子が裸で僕らのシャワーを浴びていた。イベントB:僕らは前述の女の子の元彼からテレビを持ってくるために街を突っ切って車で移動中。質問。これらのイベント間に少しでも合理的な関連が存在するのか。）
Leonard: She asked me to do her a favour, Sheldon.（彼女にお願いされちゃったんだよ、シェルダン。）
Sheldon: Ah, yes, well that may be the proximal cause of our journey, but we both know it only exists in contradistinction to the higher level distal cause.（そうだよ。それがこの旅路の表向きの原因さ。だけど、僕らはわかってる、もっと高レベルの遠因があるってことをね。）
Leonard: Which is?（それって何？）
Sheldon: You think with your penis.（君はちんぽで考えてたのさ？）
Leonard: That's a biological impossibility and you didn't have to come.（そんなの生物学的に不可能だよ。それに君は来なくたって済んだのに。）
Sheldon: Oh, right, yes, I could have stayed behind and watched Wolowitz try to hit on Penny in Russian, Arabic and Farsi. Why can't she get her own TV.（そうだね。僕はあそこにいてウォロウィッツがペニーにロシア語とアラビア語とペルシャ語でちょっかい出すのを見てることもできたんだ。どうして彼女は自分でテレビ取りに行かないの。）
Leonard: Come on, you know how it is with break-ups.（おいおい、元彼に会うのがどういうことかわかるだろ。）
Sheldon: No I don't. And neither do you.（いやわかんない、君だってわかんないはずだ。）
Leonard: Wuh, I, I broke up with Joyce Kim.（でも、僕はジョイス・キムと別れたからわかるよ。）
Sheldon: You did not break up with Joyce Kim, she defected to North Korea.（君はジョイス・キムと別れたんじゃなくて、彼女が北朝鮮に亡命したんだ。）
Leonard: To mend her broken heart. This situation is much less complicated. There's some kind of dispute between Penny and her ex-boyfriend as to who gets custody of the TV. She just wanted to avoid having a scene with him.（彼女の傷ついた心をいやすためだよ。この状況はそんなに複雑じゃないし。ペニーと元彼の間にはどっちにテレビの権利があるかもめたし、ペニーは単に彼と顔を合わせたくないだけなんだ。）
Sheldon: So we get to have a scene with him?（だから僕らが彼と顔を合わせるのかい。）
Leonard: No, Sheldon, there's not going to be a scene. There's two of us and one of him.
Sheldon: Leonard, the two of us can't even carry a TV.
[At the Leonard's apartment]
Penny: (to Raj) So, you guys work with Leonard and Sheldon at the University?
Penny: Uh, I'm sorry, do you speak English?
Howard: Oh, he speaks English, he just can't speak to women.
Penny: Really, why?
Howard: He's kind of a nerd. Juice box?
[Outside Penny's old apartment building]
Leonard: (pushes buzzer) I'll do the talking.
Voice from buzzer: Yeah.
Leonard: Hi, I'm Leonard, this is Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello.
Leonard: What did I just…. Uh, we're here to pick up Penny's TV.
Voice: Get lost.（失せろ。）
Sheldon: Okay, thanks for your time.（オーケー、ありがとう、邪魔したね。）
Leonard: We're not going to give up just like that.（そんな風に簡単に諦めないよ。）
Sheldon: Leonard, the TV is in the building, we've been denied access to the building, ergo* we are done. *ラテン語 ‘therefore' の意
Leonard: Excuse me, if I were to give up at the first little hitch I never would have been able to identify the fingerprints of string theory in the aftermath of the big bang.（失礼、もし僕が最初のちょっとしたつまずきであきらめてしまったら、ビッグバンの後のひも理論の痕跡を同定することなんかできなかっただろうね。）
Sheldon: My apologies. What's your plan.
Sheldon: It's just a privilege to watch your mind at work.
Leonard: Come on, we have a combined IQ of 360, we should be able to figure out how to get into a stupid building.（僕ら2人合わせてIQ360あるんだ。どうすればこんな低級のビルに入れるかなんてわかるはずさ。）
[Two girls open the door]
Sheldon: What do you think their combined IQ is?（彼女ら2人合わせてIQはいくつだと思う？）
Leonard: Just grab the door.
[Outside Penny's ex-boyfriend's apartment]
Leonard: This is it. (Knocks.) I'll do the talking.
Sheldon: Good thinking, I'll just be the muscle.
Enormous man: Yeah?
Leonard: I'm Leonard, this is Sheldon.
Sheldon: From the intercom.
Man: How the hell did you get in the building?
Leonard: Oh. We're scientists.
Sheldon: Tell him about our IQ.
[Outside the apartment building]
(Leonard and Sheldon are not wearing trousers.)
Sheldon: Leonard.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: My mom bought me those pants.
Leonard: I'm sorry.
Sheldon: You're going to have to call her.
[On the stairs of Sheldon and Leonard's building]
Leonard: Sheldon, I'm so sorry I dragged you through this.
Sheldon: It's okay. It wasn't my first pantsing, and it won't be my last.
Leonard: And you were right about my motives, I was hoping to establish a relationship with Penny that might have some day led to sex.（僕の動機に関して君は正しかった、僕はペニーといつの日かセックスできるような関係を持ちたかったんだ。
Sheldon: Well you got me out of my pants.（つまり、君が僕のパンツを脱がせたんだ。)
Leonard: Anyway, I've learned my lesson. She's out of my league, I'm done with her, I've got my work, one day I'll win the Nobel Prize and then I'll die alone.（ともかく、僕はこの件で学んだよ。彼女は僕の領域じゃない。彼女とは終わりだ。僕の仕事をするよ。いつかノーベル賞とって孤独死するんだ。
Sheldon: Don't think like that, you're not going to die alone.（そんな風に考えない方がいいよ。君は孤独死なんかしない。）
Leonard: Thank you Sheldon, you're a good friend.（ありがとう、君はいい友達だ。）
Sheldon: And you're certainly not going to win a Nobel Prize.（それに、君はノーベル賞なんかもらえないよ。）
[Inside Sheldon and Leonard's apartment]
Howard: This is one of my favourite places to kick back after a quest, they have a great house ale.（ここはクエストの後の割戻しとして僕のお好みの場所の一つさ、素敵なハウス・エールがあるんだ。）
Penny: Wow, cool tiger.
Howard: Yeah, I've had him since level ten. His name is Buttons. Anyway, if you had your own game character we could hang out, maybe go on a quest.（そう、僕はレベル10から彼を使ってるんだ。彼の名前はブトン。ともかく、君が自分のゲーム・キャラクターを持ってたら僕らは一緒にツルめるんだ、多分クエストもできる。）
Penny: Uh, sounds interesting.
Howard: So you'll think about it?
Penny: Oh, I don't think I'll be able to stop thinking about it.
Raj: Smooth.
Leonard: We're home.
Penny: Oh, my God, what happened?
Leonard: Well, your ex-boyfriend sends his regards and I think the rest is fairly self-explanatory.（えーと、君の元彼がよろしくって、他は見ればわかると思うけど。）
Penny: I'm so sorry, I really thought if you guys went instead of me he wouldn't be such an ass.（ごめんなさい、私の代わりあなた達がに行けばそんなひどいことしないって思ったの。）
Leonard: No, it was a valid hypothesis.（いや、それは有効な仮説だよ。）
Sheldon: That was a valid hypothesis? What is happening to you?（それが有効な仮説？何が起こったって言うんだ？）
Penny: Really, thank you so much for going and trying you're, uh, you're so terrific. Why don't you put some clothes on, I'll get my purse and dinner is on me, okay?（行ってくれて本当にありがとう、あなたたちは本当にいい人よ。洋服着てちょうだい、財布取ってきて夕食代払うわ。）
Leonard: Really? Great.
Sheldon: Thank you. You're not done with her, are you?（ありがとう、君は彼女を諦めるんじゃないのか？）
Leonard: Our babies will be smart and beautiful.（僕らの子供は賢くてかわいいだろう。）
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.（架空の話するな。）
[In Leonard's car]
Leonard: Is Thai food okay with you Penny?
Penny: Sure.
Sheldon: We can't have Thai food, we had Indian for lunch.
Penny: So?
Sheldon: They're both curry based cuisines.
Penny: So?
Sheldon: They would be gastronomically redundant. I can see we're going to have to spell out everything for this girl.（そんなこと説明したら長くなるよ。彼女には何から何まで説明しなきゃなんないってことがわかったよ。)
Penny: Any ideas Raj?
Howard: Turn left on Lake Street and head up to Colorado. I know a wonderful little sushi bar that has karaoke.（レイク・ストリートを左折してコロラドに向かって。カラオケ付きの素敵な小さいすしバーを知ってる。)
Penny: That sounds like fun.
Howard: (sings) Baby, baby don't get hooked on me. Uh, baby, baby don't get hooked on me.
Sheldon: I don't know what your odds are in the world as a whole, but as far as the population of this car goes, you're a veritable Mack Daddy*.（君が選ばれる見込みがどれくらいあるかわからないけど、この車の中の人数からいえば君は紛れもなくマック・ダディだ。)
*女性を口説くのがうまい男、もてる男、金と女と権力を握ってる男
Written by Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady
Japanese interpretaion by Norih