The guys find the One Ring* among the various fragments that they got in a garage sale, which turns out to be a prop made for The Lord of the Rings film trilogy. The four promptly argue over who gets to keep it and Leonard eventually gives it to Penny for safekeeping. That night Sheldon sneaks into Leonard's room, where Penny is sleeping, and tries to steal the ring which she is wearing around her neck, but she wakes up and punches Sheldon in the face. The next day in the cafeteria the four decide whoever is the last one holding the ring will get to keep it. Leonard removes himself from contention when Penny shows him the contents of a bag she got from Victoria's Secret. The next morning Leonard says he sent it back to the original owner, but he kept it hidden in his room. That night Sheldon tries to take the ring again and he and Leonard wrestle for it on Leonard's bed. Penny walks out of the room muttering to herself about how she should "go back to dating dumb guys from the gym."
(オタク達はガレージ・セールで手に入れた断片の中から指輪を見つけるが、それはロード・オブ・ザ・リング三部作の小道具として作られた貴重なものと判明する。4人は誰が保有するかで争い、レナードは安全のためペニーに預ける。その夜シェルダンは、レナードの部屋に忍び込み、指輪を首に括りつけて眠るペニーから盗もうとして、目覚めたペニーに顔面パンチを浴びせられる。翌日カフェテリアで、4人は最後に保有したものが所有者となると決める。レナードはペニーがビクトリア・シークレットで買った下着を見せられ、争いから身を引く。そして翌朝、レナードは他の3人に指輪を元の持ち主に送り返したと言うが、実はこっそり彼の部屋に隠していた。その夜、シェルダンは指輪を奪おうと再びレナードの部屋に忍び込み、レナードとベッドの上で取っ組み合いとなる。それを見たペニーは「ジムのとろい奴とよりを戻そうかな」と呟きながらレナードの部屋を後にする。)
*一つの指輪はJ・R・R・トールキンのファンタジー小説に登場する架空の魔法の指輪。トールキンが創作した中つ国世界を舞台としたシリーズのうち、第1作である『ホビットの冒険』から登場し、その続編『指輪物語』ではこの指輪を巡る物語が描かれる。
Word Review
[The stairwell]
(Leonard is carrying a large box.)
Leonard: Why do I always have to carry the heavy stuff?(どうしていつも重いもの運ぶのは僕なんだ？)
Sheldon: Well, it's very simple. In our ragtag band of scientists with nothing to lose, I'm the smart one, Wolowitz is the funny one, and Koothrappali is the lovable foreigner who struggles to understand our ways and fails. That leaves you, by default, as the muscle.(それは簡単さ。僕らだめ元の科学者の寄せ集めでは、僕は賢くて、ウォロビッツはおもしろい、クースラパリは僕らのやり方を理解しようとして失敗する愛すべき外国人。君は初期設定として筋肉係さ。)
Leonard: One more floor, and I'd be the pulled muscle.(もう一階、僕は肉離れするよ。)
Penny: (inside the apartment) Oh, it's about time, I'm starving.(もう時間よ、お腹すいたわ。)
Leonard: Uh, well, we didn't actually get Chinese food.(うー、実は僕ら中華料理買って来なかったんだ。)
Penny: Why not?
Leonard: Don't panic, this is better.
Penny: Oh, no, you didn't trade the food for magic beans, did you?(おー、だめよ、あなたは食べ物と魔法の豆を交換したんじゃないでしょね？)
Sheldon: Of course not. And, technically, magic beans would be food, although eating them would be quite a waste, since you could plant them and overnight have a giant beanstalk, which would provide enough roughage for a small city.(もちろんしてないよ、それに、形の上では魔法の豆は食べ物になるよ、食べても無駄だけど、君達がそれを植えて夜を徹して巨大な豆植物の茎ができて、それは小さい都市なら粗飼料として十分供給できるからね。)
Penny: Yeah, sometimes I don't listen, sometimes I just watch your jaw go up and down.(そうね、ときどき私は聞いてないわ、ときどきあなたの顎がただ上下に動くのを見てるだけよ。)
Leonard: We were on our way to the Chinese restaurant when we thought we saw Adam West*, so we followed him.(アダム・ウェストを見た時、僕らは中華料理店に向かっていて、それから彼について行ったのさ。) *テレビシリーズの『バットマン』で主人公のブルース・ウェイン、及びバットマンを演じた俳優
Penny: Who's Adam West?
Sheldon: Who's Adam West? Leonard, what do the two of you talk about after the coitus?(アダム・ウェストが誰かって？レナード、君達は性交の後で何を話しているんだ？)
Howard: My guess is, "Hey, four minutes! New record!" That's why I'm the funny one.(想像するに、「ヘイ、4分だ！新記録だ！」だから僕はひょうきんなんだ。)
Leonard: Anyway, we followed the guy to this garage sale, and they had the coolest stuff.(とにかく、僕らは彼の後についてガレージセールに行ったら、そこですごいの売ってたんだ。)
Howard: They were closing up. We got this whole box for sixty bucks.(彼らは店を閉めるとこで、僕らは箱ごと60ドルで買ったんだ。)
Leonard: We didn't even get to go through it all. There could be anything in here.(僕らは全部調べたわけじゃないんだ。この中に何かあるかもしれないんだ。)
Penny: There a new girlfriend in there? 'Cause you might need one.(その中に新しいガールフレンドでもいるの？なぜならあなたにはそれが必要かもしれないわ。)
Leonard: No. But there is an original final draft Ghostbusters script with actual slime stains! (いないよ。でも実際の泥の汚れのついたゴースト・バスターズのオリジナル最終版の台本があるんだ。)
(Raj whispers to Leonard.)
Leonard: Oh, you're right, it's Ghostbusters 2. Never mind.
Howard: Oh, my God. An Alf doll*. When I was 11 my mother got me one to help me sleep after my dad left. I used to pretend that my dad had moved to the planet Melmac, and Alf was going to bring him back to me. But he never did. Where's my daddy, puppet? Where is he?(おー、何と、アルフ人形だ。僕が11歳で父さんがいなくなった時に、僕が眠れるように母さんが買ってくれた奴だ。僕は父さんがメルマック星に引っ越して、アルフが連れ戻してくれるって主張してたんだ。でも彼はそうしてくれなかった。人形よ、父さんはどこにいるんだ？) *『アルフ』は、UFOごと落下してきた宇宙人が居候となるというシチュエーション・コメディで、アメリカNBCで1986年から1990年まで放送された。ALFとは Alien Life Form（地球外生命）の略であり、主人公アルフが地球に来てからのニックネームで、本名はGordon Schumway。
Penny: That is so sad.
Sheldon: No, what's sad is that you don't know Adam West was TV's Batman.(いや、悲しいのは君がアダム・ウェストはテレビのバットマンだって知らないってことさ。)
[The same]
Leonard: Here's Spock's head with no body. Here's Mr. T's body with no head. Oh, yeah, here's Spock's body with Mr. T's head. I pity the fool who's illogical.(体のないスポックの頭がある。こっちは頭のないミスター・Tの体だ。こっちはミスター・Tの頭のついたスポックの体だ。僕は不合理な愚か者を可哀そうに思うよ。)
Penny: Okay, I'm just gonna go home and make a grilled cheese and window-shop on eHarmony*.(オーケー、私は家に帰って焼チーズ作ってイー・ハーモニーで品定めでもするわ。) *長期的な関係を育むために独身の男女をマッチングするインターネット・マッチングサイト
Leonard: Okay, bye.
Penny: Okay.
Leonard: Ooh, look, an Indiana Jones connect-the-dots.(おー、見てインディアナ・ジョーンズのお絵描き本だ。)
Raj: And an Aquaman action figure.
Howard: Looks like someone drew a penis on him.
Raj: Huh? That'll come off.
Howard: You see what you're doing? Stop that.
Sheldon: Fascinating.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: It appears to be a Lord of the Rings ring.(これはロード・オブ・ザリングの指輪に見えるね。)
Leonard: Oh.
Raj: It's even got the Elvish engraving on it.(エルヴィッシュの彫版が彫ってある。)
Sheldon: It's not Elvish. It's the language of Mordor written in Elvish script. One Ring to rule them all.(それはエルヴィッシュじゃない。エルヴィッシュの台本に書かれたモード―語だ。全てを支配する指輪。)
Raj: One Ring to find them.(彼らを見つける指輪。)
Howard: One Ring to bring them all.(彼らに全てをもたらす指輪。)
Leonard: And in the darkness bind them.(そして暗闇の中でそれらを結びつける。)
Raj: Holy crap, are we nerdy.(すごい、僕らオタクみたいだ。)
[The Cheesecake Factory]
Howard: So, I was doing some checking on the ring.(それで、僕は指輪について調べたんだ。)
Raj: Hold on. Sheldon, is there ketchup on that table?(待って、シェルダン、あのテーブルにケチャップはあるかい？)
Sheldon: Yes, there is. Oh, here's a fun fact, ketchup started out as a general term for sauce, typically made of, uh, mushrooms or fish brine with herbs and spices. Some popular early main ingredients included blueberry, anchovy, oyster, kidney bean and grape.(ああ、あるよ。おー、おもしろい事実だ、ケチャップはハーブと香辛料を添えたマッシュルームまたは魚の塩漬けからなるソースの一般的な名称になり始めてる。初期の一般的な主要成分にはブルーベリー、アンチョビ、牡蠣、ソラマメとブドウが含まれてた。)
Raj: No, that's okay. I'll get it.
Howard: Listen, I was looking at the ring, and it seemed a little weird. No copyright notice on it. So, I took it down to this buddy of mine who deals with, shall we say, the seedy underbelly of the collectibles world.(ねえ、僕は指輪を見てたんだけど、ちょっとおかしいんだ。著作権の告知がない。それで、こういうの扱ってる知り合いに尋ねたんだ、裏世界の収集のさ。)
Leonard: Seedy underbelly?(裏世界の？)
Howard: You know, your black market phasers*, your screen-worn Lieutenant Uhura** panties, that kind of stuff.(つまり、君の闇市場のフェイザー砲や映画でウフーラ大尉が着たパンティーとかさ。) *フェイザー砲はアメリカのSFドラマ『スタートレック』シリーズに登場する架空の兵器。 **ウフーラ大尉は、『スタートレック』シリーズ、主にテレビドラマ『宇宙大作戦』の登場人物で、宇宙パトロール船の人間女性のUSS(United Federation of Planets Starship)エンタープライズ号通信士官。
Raj: Who's this mysterious buddy you suddenly have?(突然現れたその怪しい奴は誰なんだ？)
Howard: Just a guy. I know a guy.(ちょっと知ってるやつさ。)
Raj: Is it Eddie Crispo?(それってエディー・クリスポかい？)
Howard: No, I can't tell you who it is. Stop asking.
Raj: Who else could it be? It has to be Eddie Crispo.(他にあり得るかい？エディー・クリスポに違いない。)
Howard: I know lots of dangerous people, okay?(僕は危ない奴たくさん知ってるよ。)
Raj: Name one.(誰か言ってみろよ。)
Howard: Eddie Crispo. Anyway, he said this isn't a replica. It's the real deal.(エディー・クリスポ。とに角、彼はこれはレプリカじゃないって言ってた。本物だって。)
Sheldon: If you're suggesting that that is the actual Ring of Power forged by Sauron in Mount Doom, I look at you with an expression of exhaustion and ever so slight amusement.(もしも君があれは滅びの山でサウロンが鍛造した『力の指輪』だって言うんなら、僕は極度の疲労とほんの少しの喜びの表情を浮かべて君を見るよ。)
Leonard: He's not saying it's a magic ring. You're not, are you?
Howard: No, but it's close. Look at the markings inside. Those are production markings. Nine rings were made for use in the Lord of the Rings movies. Three were given to members of the cast. The rest were destroyed. Except one. One was stolen. Gentlemen, this is the one ring.(そうは言ってない、でもそれに近いよ。内側の刻印を見ろよ。あれは製造時の刻印だ。映画の『ロード･オブ･ザリング』に使うために9個の指輪が作られたんだ。3個は配役のメンバーに配られた。残りは破壊されたんだ。一つを除いてはね。そいつは盗まれたんだ。諸君、これがその一つの指輪だ。）
Sheldon: (snatching it) Mine!
Leonard: No, it is not yours. We all went in on the box together.(だめ、それは君のものじゃない。僕ら全員が箱買いに参加したんだ。)
Sheldon: Well, yes, but I found it in the box, and the laws of maritime salvage clearly state that the finder of a sunken treasure is the owner of the treasure.(ああ。そうだね、でもはこの中で僕が最初に見つけたんだ。海難救助の法律では沈んだお宝は発見者のものだって明確に述べてる。)
Leonard: How is this maritime salvage?(どうしてこれが海難救助なんだ？)
Sheldon: Other than the lack of water, how is it not?(水がないこと以外にどこが違うんだ？)
Raj: Wait, wait. Sheldon, stop being crazy for a second. How much is something like this worth?(待って、シェルダン、トチ狂わないで。こういうのっていくらくらいの価値があるんだ？)
Howard: Well, it's tough to say since it's hot, but on the underground market, my guy figures…(出たばかりだからいくらって言うのは難しいけど、でも闇市場では、知り合いが言うには．．．．)
Raj: Your guy Eddie Crispo?
Howard: Yes. He figures ten, maybe 15 thousand.(そう、彼が言うには10000とか15000ドルとか。)
Raj: Okay, that's a lot of money. The wise thing to do is invest it in something practical. Like a jet ski.(オーケー、それはかなりの額だね。賢いのは何か実質的なものに投資することだ。ジェット・スキーみたいにね。)
Howard: Why do you want a jet ski?
Raj: All the wealthy and beautiful people in movies ride Jet Skis. That can't just be a coincidence.(映画に出てくる金持ちや美人はみんなジェット・スキーに乗ってる。あれはただの偶然じゃない。)
Sheldon: We can't sell it. We have to keep it and love it and polish it, and only take it out occasionally when we go to the park and re-enact our favourite scenes from the movies.(僕らはそれを売らないよ。僕らはそれを保持して、愛でて、磨いて、時々公演に行って映画の好きなシーンを再演するときだけ持ち出すんだ。)
Howard: It's sad how great that sounds.(それが素晴らしいって思えるのは悲しいね。)
Leonard: Guys, it's stolen. It should go back to Peter Jackson. He made the movies, it belongs to him.(みんな、それは盗品だ。それはピ-ター・ジャクソンに戻して彼が所有するべきだ。)
Howard: Fine. He can have it back as long as he promises to make me a hobbit in his next movie.(いいね。彼が次の映画で僕をホビットにするって約束すれば、それは彼のものになるよ。)
Raj: There are no Jewish hobbits.
Howard: Clearly, you've never been to my house for dinner on Rosh Hashanah*.(明らかに、君はうちのローシュ・ハッシャーナーの夕食には2度と来れないよ。) *ユダヤ暦の新年祭。
Leonard: We are not blackmailing Peter J… All right, where's the ring?(僕らはピーター・ジャクソンをゆすらないよ。指輪はどこだ？)
Sheldon: You mean my ring?
Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: The ring was unguarded, it was just sitting on the table, anyone could have taken it. Proof? I did.(指輪は無防備だった、ただ机の上に置かれてた、誰でも盗れるように。証拠かい？僕がそうしたさ。)
Leonard: Give me that.
Raj: Look, let's be reasonable. We all want to do different things with the ring, but your ideas are stupid, and I want a jet ski.(いいかい、筋を通そう。僕らは皆指輪について違うこと考えてる、でも君らの考えはばかげてる。僕はジェット･スキーが欲しい。)
Sheldon: I found it. The ring is mine. I don't understand why in this group I never get my way.(僕が見つけたんだ。このグループでどうして僕のやり方が通らないか理解できない。)
Leonard: You always get your way.(君はいつも君のやり方を通してる。)
Sheldon: I'll stipulate to that if you give me the ring.(君が指輪を僕に渡すなら君の言ことを保証しよう。)
Penny: Hey, guys. Enjoying your food that I actually brought you instead of promising food, but bringing you a box of random crap?(へい、みんな、約束してたのじゃないけど。無作為に箱に入れて来た食料はおいしかった？)
Leonard: Yeah, it's delicious, the sarcasm's a little stale, though. Hey, how about this? Until we figure out what to do with the ring, Penny holds on to it.(うん、おいしいよ、ちょっと皮肉を込めてね。こうしたらどうかな？僕らが指輪をどうするか決めるまで、ペニーに預けるってのは？)
Penny: What ring?
Leonard: This ring.
Sheldon: Looking for something?
Leonard: Will you hold on to this for a couple of days?(これ２、３日預ってくれない？)
Penny: Why?
Leonard: It's a prop from a movie, and we're kind of fighting over it.(それは映画の小道具なんだ、それで僕らそれについて争ってるんだ。)
Penny: Okay, just to be clear, the first piece of jewellery my boyfriend gives me is a prop from a movie, and I don't even get to keep it?(オーケー、はっきり言っとくけど、最初に彼氏が私にくれた宝石は映画の小道具だったけど、私はそれすら持ってないわ。)
Howard: If you had gone out with me three years ago, by now, you'd have my great Aunt Ida's brooch that she smuggled out of occupied Belgium in a cat.(もし君が3年前に僕とデートしてたら、今頃君は僕の叔母のアイーダが占領下のベルギーから猫に飲ませて持ち出したブローチを持ってただろう。)
Leonard: How am I looking now?
[Penny and Leonard are asleep in Leonard's bed]
(Sheldon creeps in and tries to take the ring from round Penny's neck, but she turns over. He tries to make buzzing fly noises to get her to turn back, but she turns all the way the other way. He then uses an extender with a claw on the end to lif the ring from Penny's chest. As he tries to remove it, she wakes up, screams, and punches him in the face.)
Sheldon: Ow! You hit me! I'm bleeding!
Leonard: What was that?
Penny: Sheldon tried to take the ring and I punched him.(シェルダンが私から指輪を奪おうとして私が彼にパンチを浴びせたの。)
Leonard: That's my girl.
[The cafeteria]
Howard: So, Sheldon, how's it feel to get beaten up by a girl?(それで、シェルダン、女の子に殴られてどんな感じ？)
Sheldon: It's not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero. If only I'd had the presence of mind to reabsorb her, then I'd have a mole with hair in it instead of a tedious yearly Christmas letter.(あれは初めてのことじゃない。僕には子宮内の時から暴力を受けてた双子の女の子がいるんだ。僕が彼女を再吸収する平常心さえあったなら、毎年つまらないクリスマスの手紙を受け取る代わりに、僕には毛の生えたほくろ一つがあっただろうさ。)
Raj: Gentlemen, have you come to the realization that the only reasonable course of action is to sell the ring and divide the money?(諸君、唯一の合理的な行動は指輪を打ってお金を山分けすることだって認識したかい？)
Leonard: No.
Raj: I was afraid of that.
(Opens his laptop to reveal an Indian looking man on a webcam.)
Raj: Go ahead.
Man on Screen: Greetings from Mumbai. I am Raj's attorney, Venkatesh Koothrappali.(ムンバイからのご挨拶。私はラジ家の顧問弁護士、ヴェンカテッシュだ。)
Raj: Also my cousin.
Howard: You brought a lawyer?
Venkatesh: Don't answer that. I'll get straight to the point. My client's prepared to surrender any interest he has in the ring in exchange for two Kawasaki Jet Skis.(それには答えない。率直に言うよ。私の顧客は指輪を２台のカワサキ・ジェットスキーと交換することを譲歩する準備ができた。)
Leonard: We're not giving him two Jet Skis.
Venkatesh: Look, we're big boys, why don't we just cut to the chase and meet in the middle? One Kawasaki Jet Ski, done and done.(いいかい、我々は大人だ、要求ばかりじゃなくて妥協しないか？カワサキ・ジェットスキー１台で了解。)
Leonard: No Jet Skis.
Venkatesh: All right, forget the Jet Skis.
Raj: Forget the Jet Skis? That was our line in the sand! What happened to "tear them a new one?"(ジェットスキーは諦める？それは我々の最低譲歩ラインだ。「口撃！」はどうしたんだ？)
Venkatesh: What can I say? They played hardball. We lost.(なんて言えばいいんだ？彼らは手厳しい。僕らの負けだ。)
Raj: You're useless.
Venkatesh: I told you that when you hired me.
Raj: I'm signing off now.
Venkatesh: Call your mother, she worries.
Howard: Okay, just so you know, if we're bringing in cousins who are lawyers, prepare for shock and awe*.(オーケー、いいかい、もしも僕らが法律家の従兄弟を引き込むんなら衝撃と畏怖に対して準備しな。) *「衝撃と畏怖」は2003年の米国のイラク戦争での軍事作戦名、もともとは軍事用語で圧倒的な力の差を見せつけて敵の戦意喪失を狙う戦争の一戦術。
Leonard: You know what? I am ending this. Penny didn't want to hold the ring anymore. She gave it to me, I have it. I'm sending it back. Where's the ring?(あのさあ、僕はこれもう終わりにするよ。ペニーはもうあの指輪を保持してたくなくなったんだ。彼女が僕に渡して、僕が持ってる。僕は送り返すよ。指輪はどこへ行った？)
Sheldon: You mean this ring? Next time be aware of your surroundings while urinating in a public men's room.(これのことかい？次に公衆トイレでおしっこする時は身の回りに注意しなよ。)
Leonard: Give me that.
Sheldon: No, it's mine.
Raj: It's all of ours.
(They begin to struggle over the ring.)
Leonard: Okay, now, this is ridiculous!
Howard: Then let go!
Leonard: I'm not letting go, you let go.
Howard: I say this ring belongs to the last person who can hold on.(これを最後に持ってたやつが所有することにしよう。)
Leonard: Fine. But can't we go home and start this?(いいよ、でも家に帰ってから始めないか？)
Raj: Sure. Let go of the ring.(いいとも、指輪を放しなよ。)
Leonard: All right, it starts now.
Howard: You do realize there's a giant bug movie marathon tonight on the Syfy Channel*.(君達今夜サイファイ・チャンネルで巨大昆虫の映画の連続放送があるの知ってるかい。) *アメリカ合衆国のケーブルテレビ・チャンネル。元はScience Fictionの略から変化した名前であるが、現在は、ホラー、ファンタジー、冒険アクションに加え、プロレス、リアリティ番組、日本のアニメなどの番組も放送されている。
(They start to move away from the table while all still holding the ring.)
Raj: Wait, my laptop.
(They go back for it.)
[The stairwell]
(The guys are coming up the stairs, all still holding the ring.)
Howard: You know, there's a point when this becomes idiotic.(あのさ、これってバカバカしいね。)
Leonard: And it wasn't when we were driving like this?(それに、こんな風に意図してた時はそうでもなかったね？)
Sheldon: I would advise the three of you that resistance is futile. I have endless patience. I once spent two-and-a-half hours on hold with Hewlett-Packard customer service just to complain about their customer service.(君達三人に助言するけど、抵抗するのは無益だ。僕には無限の忍耐力がある。僕はヒューレットパッカードの顧客サービスに対して単に苦情を言うために２時間半費やしたことがあるんだ。)
Leonard: You want to talk about endless patience? Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City.(無限の忍耐力のことなら、ペニーは僕にセックス・アンド・シティーを５年分全部見させたんだぜ。)
Raj: There are six seasons, dude.
Leonard: Oh, crap!
Raj: No, no, no, the sixth season is great. We go to Paris with Carrie and get our heart broken, and then Mr. Big shows up, we don't know if we can trust him again. It's a wild ride.(いや、いや、６年目は面白かったよ。キャリーはパリに行って、僕らは悲嘆にくれるんだけど、そこへミスター・ビッグが現れて、彼が信頼できるかわからなくて、波乱含みなんだ。)
Leonard: Door.
(Leonard tries to unlock the door and drops the keys.)
Raj: Okay, everybody, and plie*. And relevae**.(オーケー、みんな、プリエ、そしてルルベ。) *プリエはバレー用語で、両脚を外旋させ、膝を曲げ伸ばす動き。**ルルベはバレー用語で、背伸びをしてつま先立ちになった状態。
Penny: Whatcha doin'?
Leonard: Last one holding the ring decides its fate. I know, it sounds silly.(最後に指輪を持ってたやつがそれを好きにしていいんだ。バカみたいって言いたいんだろ。)
Penny: No, no, no, no, no, no, you are my boyfriend. Nothing you do is silly to me.
Leonard: Thank you.
Penny: FYI, this is a bag from Victoria's Secret.(言っとくけど、これはヴィクトリア・シークレット下着ショーのバッグよ。)
Leonard: I'm out.(一抜けた。)
[The apartment]
(The three guys are still holding the ring. Howard is on the phone.)
Howard: I'm sorry, Ma, I have to stay late at the office.
Raj: No, he doesn't! He's lying to you!
Howard: Will you be quiet?
Raj: Well, if you want privacy let go of the ring. (To Howard's mother) I'm so glad we came to this gentile strip club! Howard, here's more bacon to tuck into the shiksa's G-string!(もしもプライバシーが欲しいんなら指輪をあきらめろ。(電話越しにハワードの母親に向かって)僕はこのストリップ・クラブに来れてうれしいよ。ハワード、女の子のひもパンに挟み込むベーコンがもっとあるぞ。)
Howard: I'll call you back.
Raj: I think it's lovely you call your mommy and let her know you're going to be late for dinner. From what I know about these things, if a woman doesn't breast-feed on time, it's very uncomfortable for her boobies.(君が母親に電話して夕食に遅れるって告げるのは可愛いと思うよ。僕が知るところによれば、女の人が時間通りに母乳を上げないのはおっぱいにとっては不都合なことだ。)
Howard: Don't you talk about my mother's boobies!(僕の母親のおっぱいについて語るな！)
Raj: If you're offended, let go of the ring and go on home to your mother's boobies.(もしも気に触るんなら、指輪を諦めて母親のおっぱいのとこに帰りな。)
Sheldon: Excellent, excellent. Tire each other out, the ring will be mine. Howard, why don't you go after Raj's mother?(結構、結構。互いに疲れさせて、指輪は僕のものだ。ハワード、ラジの母親のこと言ってやれば？)
Raj: Why don't we go after your mother?(君の母親のことでもいいんだぜ。)
Sheldon: Go ahead. I have no illusions about my mother. She is a kind, loving, religiously fanatical right-wing Texan with a slightly out-of-scale head and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction. Anything you'd like to add?(どうぞ、僕は母親に幻想なんて抱いてない。彼女は宗教に狂信的な右翼のテキサス人で、少し不釣り合いな頭を持っててマイルド・ドクターペッパー中毒だ。他に加えることある？)
Howard: That's not gonna get anywhere. But pull out the big gun.(しょうがないね、とっておきの大技を出そう。)
Raj: You're right. Let's talk about your grandmother.(そのとおり、君のおばあちゃんの話をしよう。)
Sheldon: No! I call no Meemaws.(だめ、僕はミーモーとは呼ばないよ。)
Raj: Think about this. The only way your mother was born was your Meemaw had sex.(こう考えよう。君の母親が生まれたのは君のおばあちゃんがセックスをしたからなんだ。)
Sheldon: I don't want to hear this.
Howard: Then let go of the ring and walk away.
Sheldon: Never.
Howard: All right. I'll bet your Meemaw didn't just have sex to have your mother. I bet she had sex because she liked it.(わかった、君のおばあちゃんは単に君の母親を生むためじゃなくて、それが好きだからセックスをしたんだ。)
Sheldon: Stop it!
Raj: Yeah, Meemaw did the nasty.
Sheldon: I said stop it!
Howard: We're getting to him.(僕らは彼を不快にしてるぞ。)
Sheldon: Waterfalls!
Raj: What?
Sheldon: Waterfalls. Crashing waves. Babbling brooks.(滝、砕ける波、泡立つ小川。)
Howard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Subliminal messaging. I'm going to make you want to pee. Dripping faucets. Leaky gutter. Peeing.(潜在意識の伝達。君らに尿意をもたらしてるんだ。蛇口の給水栓。漏れる樋。放尿。)
Raj: It's, it's not working, dude.(効果ないよ、君。。)
Sheldon: Oh-ho-ho, it's working all right. I have to pee.(効果ありだ、おしっこしなきゃ。)
Raj: Then let go of the ring and go.(それじゃあ指輪を諦めて。)
Howard: No, actually, I wouldn't mind going, too.(いや、実際、諦めてもいいよ。)
Raj: Fine. Um, on the count of three. One, two…
Sheldon: Wait, just to clarify. When you get to three, do we stand up or do we pee?(待って、はっきりさせておこう。３になったら、僕らは立ちあがるのかい、それともおしっこ？)
Howard: We stand up.
Sheldon: Excellent choice.
Raj: Three.
Howard: Something tells me this was a bad day to wear suede shoes.
[Sometime later]
(The guys are on the settee. Howard is seen asleep, he is not holding the ring. The camera pans along to where Sheldon and Raj still hold the ring. Raj, also asleep, lets go and cuddles up to Howard.)
Sheldon: I've done it! I've won! The ring is mine! It's mine! (やった。僕の勝ちだ。指輪は僕のものだ。)
(Sheldon runs to the bathroom.)
Sheldon: We're going to clean it up and make it pretty. My own. My love. My precious.(きれいにしよう。僕のだ。僕の宝だ。)
(Sheldon looks in the mirror and has turned into golem. He screams and wakes up, still on the settee.)
Sheldon: Where's the ring?(指輪はどこだ?)
Leonard: It's in a FedEx box on its way back to where it came from.(あれが来たところへ戻る途中のフェデックスの箱のなかさ。)
Raj: The fires of Mount Doom?
Leonard: Peter Jackson's office in New Zealand. It wasn't ours.
Howard: You quit the game! You had no right to take it.
Leonard: I came in here, you guys were all sleeping. The ring was on the floor. No one was touching it.(僕がここへ来た時君達は寝てたんだ。指輪は床の上にあって、誰も触ってなかった。)
Raj: Well, so then we start the game over until there's a winner.(そしたら、またゲームを始めて、勝者を決めるまでやるんだ。)
Leonard: There wasn't ever going to be a winner. There was going to be a selfish, petty person with a ring and three people who used to be his friend. Is that really what you guys want? 'Cause if it is, fine, I don't want anything to do with you. And I don't know what happened in that bathroom, but I am not cleaning it up! (勝者はいなかったよ。指輪を手にした一人の独善的で狭量な奴と、かつて友達だった三人がいただけさ。それが本当に君達の望むことなのか？そうならいいよ、もう僕は君達とは関係ない。そして、トイレで何が起ころうとも知らない、僕は掃除もしない。)
(Goes to his bedroom. Takes a box from under his bed. Takes out the ring.)
Leonard: My precious.(僕の宝だ。)
[Leonard and Penny are asleep in Leonard's bed]
(The extender and claw reaches across and pulls down the sheet revealing the ring on a chain round Leonard's neck.)
Sheldon: I knew it. Give us the precious!(僕は知ってた、僕の宝をよこせ。)
Leonard: NEVER!
(They begin to struggle, both shouting "give it", "give it to me" and "it's mine" at various intervals. Penny gets out of the bed and heads out the door.)
Penny: Ugh, gotta go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.
(うー、ジムのとろい奴とよりをもどそうかな。)
Story: Lee Aronsohn, Eric Kaplan & Maria Ferrari
Teleplay: Bill Prady, Steven Molaro & Richard Rosenstock
Japanese interpretaion: Norih