The Big Bang Theory Season 1

When Leonard, Wolowitz, and Koothrappali all become smitten with Sheldon's twin sister, Leonard devises a plan to eliminate his rivals, however, it backfires when Sheldon declares he will decide whom his sister dates.. (レナード、ハワード、ラジがシェルダンの双子の妹ミッシーに魅惑された時、レナードはライバルを蹴落とそうとして一計を案じる。クーパー家のDNAを守るのにふさわしいミッシーの相手を選ぶには、父亡き後嫡男のシェルダンに責任があると吹き込めば、豚肉を食べられないユダヤ教のハワードや、酒を飲まないと女の子と話せないラジよりも自分の方が有利になると考えたのだが、自分が妹の相手を決めるとシェルダンが宣言したときに、その作戦は乳糖不耐性のレナードにとっても裏目となり・・・・。)

[A corridor at the University]
Leonard: On the other hand, some physicists are concerned that if the super collider actually works, it will create a black hole and swallow up the Earth ending life as we know it.(ところで、何人かの物理学者が、もしも超高速の衝突型加速器が実際に作動したら、僕らがそれを知る時にはブラック・ホールができて地球を飲みこんで人生が終わりだって心配してるんだ。)
Raj: Psh, what a bunch of crybabies. No guts, no glory man.(なんてこった、ウジウジした奴らだ。虎穴に入らずんば虎子を得ずだよ。)
Leonard: (looking at an orange notice on the noticeboard) Hey, check it out, the school of pharmacology is looking for volunteers.(おい見ろよ、薬学部じゃボランティアを探してるぜ。)
Raj: We are testing a new medication for social anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia and obsessive compulsive disorder. Why would they be looking for test subjects here?(私たちは、社交不安障害、パニック発作、広場恐怖症、強迫性障害に対する新しい薬の試験を行っています。どうして彼らは試験の被験者をここで探してるんだ？)
Leonard: I don't know, Raj. Maybe the comic book store doesn't have a bulletin board. (そんなこと知るか、ラジ、漫画書店には掲示板がないからね。)
(Sees crowds in the corridor)
Leonard: What's going on?何が起こってるんだ？)
Howard: Shhh! Hot girl in Sheldon's office.
Leonard: Sheldon's office? Is she lost?(シェルダンの部屋に？道に迷ったのか？)
Howard: Don't think so. I followed her here from the parking lot.(違うと思う。僕は駐車場から彼女を付けてきたんだ。)
Leonard: Maybe she's his lawyer.(多分彼女は彼の弁護士だ。)
Howard: Well she's free to examine my briefs.(彼女は僕のパンツを自由に調べられるよ。)
Leonard: Howard…
Howard: I know, I'm disgusting, I should be punished. By her, oh look, I did it again.(わかってる、僕はうざい奴だ、罰を受けるべきだ。彼女からね、おー、またやっちゃった。)
Girl: Well, that should do it.
Sheldon: Thank you for coming by.
(He rises from his desk. Everyone rushes to look nonchalant.)
Sheldon: Hello.
Leonard: Oh, hey buddy.
Sheldon: Buddy.
Howard: Sorry I'm late, I'm working on a project that may take me up on the next space shuttle.(遅くなってごめん、次のスペースシャトルに連れてってくれるかもしれないプロジェクトに参加しててさ。)
Sheldon: How can you be late, I wasn't expecting you at all.(遅くなってないよ、君が来るなんて思ってなかったからね。)
Howard: Nobody ever expects me, sometimes you just look and… BAM! (shakes girl's hand) Howard Wolowitz.
Leonard: Sheldon, are you going to introduce us?
Sheldon: Oh, alright, this is Missy, Missy this is Leonard and Rajesh and you've already met Howard.
Missy: It's nice to meet you.
Leonard: You too, swell, also.(こちらこそ、お会いできてうれしいです。)
Howard: Yeah.
Leonard: So, how do you two know each other.
Missy: Oh, he once spent nine months with my legs wrapped around his head.(かつて9ヶ月間彼は私の足を彼の頭にからませて過ごしたの。)
Leonard: Excuse me?
Sheldon: She's my twin sister, she thinks she's funny but frankly I've never been able to see it.(彼女は僕の双子の妹、自分では冗談好きと思ってるけど、正直言って僕にはそうは思えないね。)
Missy: It's because you have no measurable sense of humour, Shelly.(あなたには冗談のセンスがないからよ、シェリー。)
Sheldon: How exactly would one measure a sense of humour? A humourmometer?(どうやって正確に冗談のセンスを測定できるの？冗談計でもあるのか？)
Howard: Well, I think you're delightfully droll. Or as the French say, Tres Drole.(えーと、君は愉快でひょうきんだね、フランス語でいえばトレ・ドローってとこかな。)
Missy: Okay, so let me see if I got this. Leonard, Howard and… I'm sorry what was your name again. (オーケー、確かあなたはレナード、ハワード、それに．．．ごめんなさい、あなたの名前は何て言ったっけ。)
(Raj looks uncomfortable, turns and walks away, disappears round corner. He then reappears, takes the orange paper from the noticeboard and leaves again.)
Sheldon: Rajesh.

[The same]
Leonard: So Missy, what brings you all the way from Texas?(ミッシー、何のためにテキサスからきたの？)
Howard: Was it perhaps destiny, I think it was destiny.(運命でしょ、それって。僕は運命だと思うな。)
Missy: My friend's getting married in Disneyland tomorrow night.(お友達が明日の晩ディスニーランドで結婚するの。)
Howard: Destiny, thy name is Anaheim.(運命よ、汝の名はアナハイムなり。)
Missy: And I had to drop off some papers for Shelly to sign for my dad's estate.(それに、お父さんの遺産の書類をシェリーに届けに来たの。)
Sheldon: The papers could have been mailed, Mom just sent you here to spy on me, didn't she.(書類は郵送できたのに、母さんが僕を探らせに君をよこしたんだろ？)
Missy: I guess that's why they call you a genius.(だからみんなあなたを天才って言うのよ。)
Sheldon: They call me a genius because I'm a genius. Tell Mom that I currently weigh 165 pounds, and that I'm having regular bowel movements. Enjoy the wedding, goodbye.(天才だから天才って言うんだよ。現在体重165ポンド、便通も順調だって母さんに言っといて。結婚式を楽しんで。さよなら。)
Leonard and Howard: (together) Woah, woah.
Leonard: If the wedding's not until tomorrow, why don't you stay with us tonight?
Missy: Oh, I don't think so. Shelly doesn't like company. Even as a little boy he'd send his imaginary friends home at the end of the day.(だめよ。シェリーは同伴者を好まないの。小さいころから1日の終わりには架空のお友達を家に帰したわ。)
Sheldon: They were not friends, they were imaginary colleagues.(彼らは友達じゃない、架空の同僚だよ。)
Leonard: Look, you're here, we have plenty of room.
Sheldon: No we don't.
Howard: Come on, Shelly, she's family.
Sheldon: So what? I don't issue invitations to your mother.(だからなんなの？僕は君らのお母さんに招待状を送ったりしないよ。)
Missy: Well it would be nice not to have to drive out to Anaheim in rush hour.(ラッシュ・アワーにアナハイムまでドライブしなくて済むわ。)
Sheldon: And don't ever call me Shelly.(それに僕をシェリーって呼ばないで。)
Leonard: So it's settled. You'll stay with us.(それじゃ決まりだ。君は僕らのとこに泊まるんだ。)
Howard: I'll walk you to your car. You're in structure 3 level C, right?(駐車場まで一緒に行こう、君は建屋3のレベルCだろ？)
Sheldon: What just happened?

[The apartment]
Missy: So anyway, we're eight years old, and Sheldon converts my easy-bake oven to some kind of high-powered furnace.(とにかく私たちは8歳で、シェルダンは私の簡単ベイク・オーブンを強力電気炉に改造したの。)
Leonard: Hee-hee, just classic.
Sheldon: I needed a place to fire ceramic semi-conductor substrates for home-made integrated circuits.(僕は自家製集積回路のためにセラミック半導体基板を焼く場所が欲しかったんだ。)
Missy: He was trying to build some kind of armed robot to keep me out of his room.(彼は私を彼の部屋から閉め出すために腕付きのロボットを作ろうとしてたの。)
Sheldon: Made necessary by her insistence on going into my room.(僕の部屋に彼女が無理に入ろうとするから必要だったんだ。)
Missy: Anyway, I go to make those little corn muffins they give you, there's a big flash, next thing you know my eyebrows are gone.(ともかく、彼らがあなたにあげたコーン・マフィンを作ろうとしたら大きな閃光があって、次の瞬間に私のまゆ毛が飛んじゃったの。)
Howard: Ha-ha, not your eyebrows?
Missy: Yep. I had to go through the entire second grade with crooked eyebrows my Mom drew on.(2年生の時はママが描いた曲がった眉毛で過ごさなきゃならなかったわ。)
Sheldon: Is that what that was? I just assumed that the second grade curriculum had rendered you quizzical.(あれってそうだったの？僕は単に2学年の科目が君をまごつかせてるのかと思ってた。)
(Penny, knocking and entering, holding up a pair of superman undershorts.)
Penny: Hey, Leonard, you left your underwear in the dryer downstairs.(ヘイ、レナード、あなたの下着が１階の乾燥機に残ってたわ。)
Leonard: Those are not mine.
Penny: Really, they have your little name label in them.
Leonard: Yeah, no, I do, I use those… uh… just to polish up my… spear-fishing equipment. I spear fish. When I'm not crossbow hunting, I spear fish. Uh, Penny, this is Sheldon's twin sister, Missy. Missy, this is our neighbour Penny.(ああ、そうだ、僕が使って．．．魚突きの道具を研いだ時使って．．．。魚を突くんだ。ボウガン を使わないときは魚突きするんだ。ペニー、こちらシェルダンの双子の妹ミッシー。ミッシー、こちら隣の部屋に住んでるペニー。)
Missy: Hi.
Penny: Wow, you don't look that much alike.(ワオ、あなたたちあまり似てないわね。)
Howard: Can I get a hallelujah.
Sheldon: Fraternal twins come from two separate eggs, they are no more alike than any other siblings.(二卵性双生児は二つの別々な卵子からできるから、ほかの兄弟以上には似ないんだよ。)
Howard: Hallelujah.
Raj: (running in) Hey, guess what. I've been accepted as a test subject for a new miracle drug to overcome pathological shyness.(何が起きたと思う？僕は病的なはにかみを克服する新しい奇跡の薬の被験者に選ばれたんだ。)
Penny: Hey, good for you, Raj.
Raj: Yes, I'm very hopeful. Hello Missy. (そうさ、僕は希望に満ちてる、こんにちはミッシー。)(He waves his hand. It keeps waving.) They mentioned there may be side effects.(でも副作用があるかもしれないって言われたんだ。)

[The same, later]
Raj: So, Missy. Have you ever met a man from the exotic subcontinent of India?(それで、ミッシー。君は魅惑的なインド亜大陸から来た人に会ったことあるかい？)
Missy: Well, there's Dr Patel at our church.
Raj: Ah yes, Dr Patel, good man.
Howard: Do you like motorcycles, 'cos I ride a hog.(君はオートバイ好きかい？僕はHog(大型バイク)に乗ってるんだ。)
Raj: A hog? You have a two cylinder scooter with a basket on the front.(Hog？君は前に籠の付いた２シリンダーのバイクに乗ってるじゃないか。)
Howard: You still have to wear a helmet.
Raj: Have you ever heard of the Kama Sutra*?(カーマ・スートラのこと聞いたことある？)　*カーマ・スートラは、1000編におよぶといわれる現存する古代インドの性愛論書『カーマ・シャーストラ』のうち、最も古く重要な文献である。
Missy: The sex book?
Raj: The Indian sex book. In other words if you wonder wonder who wrote the book of love, it was us.(インドの性愛書さ。言いかえれば、誰が愛のことを書いたのかって聞くなら、それは我々さ。)
Penny: (to Leonard) Hey, Sheldon's sister's pretty cute, I w….
Leonard: I wasn't staring!(僕は見とれてなかったよ。)
Penny: I didn't say you were, I just said she was cute.(あなたが見とれてたなんて言わないわ、ただ可愛いねって言ったのよ。)
Leonard: Oh. Huh, um, maybe, if you like women who are tall… and perfect.
Penny: Sheldon, why are you ignoring your sister?(シェルダン、どうして妹を無視するの？)
Sheldon: I'm not ignoring my sister. I'm ignoring all of you.(僕の妹だけを無視する訳じゃなくて、君たちみんなを無視してるんだ。)
Leonard: I brought snacks.
Missy: Oh my! Gherkins and….(あらまあ、私のピクルス。)
Leonard: Onion dip, it's onion dip.
Missy: Oh.
Leonard: We don't entertain much.(おもてなしできないけど。)
Raj: Missy, do you enjoy pajamas?(ミッシー、パジャマ好き？)
Missy: I guess.
Raj: We Indians invented them. You're welcome.(僕らインド人がパジャマを発明したんだ、礼には及ばないよ。)
Howard: Yeah, well my people invented circumcision. You're welcome!(僕らの民族が割礼を発明したんだ、礼には及ばないよ。)
Penny: Missy, I'm going to go get my nails done. Do you want to come?(ミッシー、私ネイル・ケアするの、来ない？)
Missy: God yes. Thanks.
Penny: You're welcome.
Missy: Bye guys.
Howard: Bye Missy.
Leonard: Bye Missy, see you.
Penny: Goodbye Leonard!
Leonard: Uh, yeah, no, uh, bye Penny.
Howard: Okay, you two have to back off.(オーケー、君ら二人とも手を引けよ。)
Raj: Why should I back off, you back off dude.(どうして僕が手を引かなきゃなんないんだ、君こそ手を引けよ。)
Leonard: Excuse me, this is my apartment and she's my roommate's sister.(ここは僕のアパートで、彼女は僕のルームメイトの妹なんだ。)
Howard: So what, you've already got Penny.(だからなんだ、君にはもうペニーがいるじゃないか。)
Leonard: How do I have Penny? In what universe do I have Penny?(ペニーがいるって、いったいどの世界でペニーが僕の彼女だっていうの？)
Howard: So I can have Penny?(それじゃあ僕がペニーをもらっていいのか？)
Leonard: Hell, no!
Sheldon: Excuse me, can I interject something. I'm ordering pizza online, is everyone okay with pepperoni?(失礼、口をさしはさんでいいかい？僕はピザを注文したいんだけど、みんなペパロニでいいかい？)
Leonard: Sheldon, can I talk to you in private?
Sheldon: I guess. Don't worry, I was going to order you cheeseless.(心配しないで、君にはチーズなしを注文するから。)
Leonard: Thank you.
Sheldon: That's okay. Lactose intolerance is nothing to be embarrassed about.(大丈夫、乳糖不耐症は決まりの悪いことじゃないよ。)
Howard: I'm a fancy Indian man, we invented pajamas!
Raj: Hey, look at me, I don't have a foreskin.(ヘイ、僕を見てよ、包茎じゃない。)

[Sheldon's bedroom]
Leonard: Sheldon, are you aware that your sister is an incredibly attractive woman?(シェルダン、君は自分の妹がすごくもてるって知ってるのかい？)
Sheldon: Hmmm? She certainly has the symmetry and low body fat that western culture deems desirable. It's noteworth that at other points in history, heavier women were the standard for beauty because their girth suggested affluence.(ええ？彼女は確かに均整がとれてて、西洋文化で望ましいと思われるように脂肪も少ない。歴史的にある時点では、胴周りが富を表すとして、体重の重い女性が美の基準と考えられていたのは注目すべきだ。)
Leonard: That's fascinating, but I…(それはとてもおもしろいね、でも．．．。)
Sheldon: I didn't say it was fascinating, I said it was noteworthy.(面白いんじゃなくて、注目すべきだって言ってるんだ。)
Leonard: Alright, noted. But my point is that Koothrappali and Wolowitz… they're hitting on your sister.(なるほど、拝領。でも僕が言いたいのはクースラパリとウォロウィッツは君の妹を口説いてるってことさ。)
Sheldon: Oh. Okay. You know, I don't want to criticise your rhetorical style but, we'd be a lot further along in this conversation if you'd begun with that thought.(おー、オーケー。つまり、君の表現法にケチをつける気はないが、君がそう考えるならこの件をもっと話し合おうじゃないか。)
Leonard: That's great, but I….
Sheldon: What I'm saying is that we took quite an unnecessary detour from what I now understand to be your thesis.(僕が言いたいのは、僕が理解してる限り、君がテーマとするべきことから不必要に遠回りしてるってことさ。)
Leonard: Whatever. You have to do something about it.(いいけど、それについて君がなんとかしなきゃならないってことさ。)
Sheldon: Why?
Leonard: Because she's your sister.
Sheldon: I don't understand. Yes, we shared a uterus for nine months, but since then we've pretty much gone our own separate ways.(理解できないよ。確かに僕らは9か月同じ子宮に居たけど、でもそれからは別々の道を歩んできた。)
Leonard: Okay, uh…. oh, consider this. With your father gone, it is your responsibility to make sure that Missy chooses a suitable mate.(じゃあこう考えて。君のお父さんが無くなって、ミッシーがふさわしい相手を選ぶのを確認するのは君の責任だ。)
Sheldon: I hadn't considered that. We do share DNA.(そんなこと考えたことなかった。確かに僕らはDNAを共有してる。)
Leonard: Uh-huh.
Sheldon: So there is the possibility, however remote, that resting in her loins is the potential for another individual as remarkable as myself.(だからいくら離れていても、彼女の腹に宿るのは僕と同じくらい優れたもう一人である可能性がある。)
Leonard: Exactly. And, you owe it to yourself and to posterity to protect the genetic integrity of your sister's future offspring.(その通り。そして、将来の君の妹の子孫の遺伝的健全性を守ることを君自身と後世に負っているんだ。)
Sheldon: You're right. If someone wants to get at Missy's fallopian tubes, they'll have to go through me.(君は正しい。もしも誰かがミッシ－の卵管を手に入れようとしたら、彼らは僕を通すべきだ。)

[The living room]
(Raj and Howard are on the floor, fighting.)
Raj: I am Shiva the destroyer, I will have the woman!(私はシバ、破壊者だ。私はその女を手に入れる。)
Howard: I'm warning you, I was judo champion at math camp.(君に警告する。私は数学の合宿の柔道チャンピオンだ。)
Sheldon: Alright, that's enough juvenile squabbling, stop it, stop it I say. I'm going to settle this right now. Neither of you are good enough for my sister.(了解。青少年のいさかいはもう十分だ、やめにして。僕がここで決定しよう。君らはどちらも僕の妹にふさわしくない。)
Howard: Who are you to decide that?(それを決めようとする君は誰なんだ？)
Leonard: He's the man of his family, you have to respect his wishes.(彼は家族の首長だ。彼の意思を尊重したまえ。)
Sheldon: You're out too, by the way.(ところで君もだめだ。)
Leonard: Say what?(何言ってるの？)
Sheldon: It's nothing personal, I'd just prefer if my future niece or nephew didn't become flatulent every time they eat an Eskimo pie.(個人の問題じゃないよ。ただ、将来の姪や甥がエスキモーパイを食べるたびにお腹が張るようなことにならない方がいいと思ったんだ。)
Howard: (to Raj, who is smiling) What are you so happy about?(何がそんなにうれしいんだ？)
Raj: I'm not happy, it's the medication, I can't stop smiling. (うれしい訳じゃない、薬のせいさ。笑いが止まらないんだ。)(Waves hand at mouth. It keeps waving.)
Sheldon: Now that Leonard's made me aware of how high the genetic stakes are, we have to face the fact that none of you are suitable mates for my sister.(レナードが遺伝的かかわりの高さに気付かせてくれたから、僕らは君らがみんなミッシーの相手にふさわしくないって事実に直面してるんだ。)
Howard: Wait a minute. Leonard made you aware of that?(ちょっと待って、レナードが君をそれに気付かせたって？)
Leonard: We all make mistakes, let's move on.(僕らみんな間違いを犯してる、先へ進もう。)
Raj: Excuse me, but I think you're missing a big opportunity here.(失礼、でも僕は君らが大きな機会を失おうとしてると思う。)
Sheldon: How so?
Raj: Everybody knows genetic diversity produces the strongest offspring. Why not put a little mocha in the family latte.(誰でも遺伝的な多様性が最強の子孫を作ることを知っている。一家のラテに少しモカを加えた方がいいのに。)
Sheldon: In principle you have a point, but as a practical matter, need I remind you that it takes experimental pharmaceuticals to simply enable you to speak to the opposite sex.(原理的には正しい、しかし実際問題として、異性と話をするのに薬学試験を使わなきゃならないってことを思い出してごらん。)
Raj: (waving finger at him) I think you're focussing entirely too much on the drugs. (君は薬のこと気にしすぎてるよ。)(Finger keeps waving. Leonard has to reach out and stop it.)
Howard: Is it 'cause I'm Jewish, 'cause I'd kill my Rabbi with a porkchop to be with your sister.(僕はユダヤ人で、僕が君の妹と一緒になると豚の切り身で司祭を殺すことになるからだ。
Sheldon: This has nothing to do with religion. This has to do with the fact that you're a tiny, tiny man who still lives with his mother.(これは宗教とは無関係だ。これは君がいまだ母親と一緒に住んでる幼さを問題にしてる。
Leonard: Sheldon, you are really being unreasonable.(君は実に不合理だ。)
Sheldon: Am I? Here. Eat this cheese without farting and you can sleep with my sister.(僕がかい？おならをせずにこのチーズを食べられたら君は僕の妹と寝れるよ。)
Missy: (who has just entered) Oh really?
Sheldon: Oops.
Missy: Shelly, can I speak to you for a minute? Alone?
Sheldon: Why does everyone suddenly want to talk to me alone? Usually nobody wants to be alone with me.(どうして突然みんな僕と個別に話したがるんだ？いつも僕とは話したがらないのに。)
Leonard: (to Penny who is standing next to him grinning) We all make mistakes, let's move on.(僕らみんな間違いを犯してる、先へ進もう。)

[Sheldon's bedroom]
Missy: Okay. I'm not even going to ask why you're pimping me out for cheese. But since when do you care at all about who I sleep with?(オーケー、どうして私をチーズから遠ざけようとするか聞く気もないわ。でも私が寝る相手について、いつから気にかけてるの？)
Sheldon: Truthfully, I've never given it any thought, but it has been pointed out to me that you carry DNA of great potential.(本当は今まで考えもしなかったけど、君がすごく潜在能力のあるDNAを持ってるって指摘されたんだ。)
Missy: What on earth are you talking about?(いったい何のこと？)
Sheldon: Let me explain. You see, I'm a superior genetic mutation, an improvement on the existing mediocre stock.(聞いてくれ、僕は現存する凡庸な在庫品に改良を加えた優れた遺伝的な突然変異者だ。)
Missy: And what do you mean, mediocre stock?(凡庸な在庫品ってどういう意味？)
Sheldon: That would be you. But residing within you is the potential for another me. Perhaps even taller, smarter and less prone to freckling, a Sheldon 2.0 if you will.(君のことかも。君の中にはもう一人の僕の可能性が存在する。多分、もう少し背が高くて、より賢くて、そばかすが少ない、いわばシェルダン2.0だ。)
Missy: Sheldon 2.0?
Sheldon: Exactly. Now, I am not saying that I should be the sole decider of who you mate with. If you're not attracted to the suitor then the likelihood of conception would be reduced.(その通り。今、君が誰と付き合うか僕が単独で決めるとは言わない。君がもし求婚者に魅惑されなかったら妊娠の可能性は低下するだろう。)
Missy: You have got to be kidding me!(冗談は言わないで。)
Sheldon: Not at all. Frequent coitus dramatically increases the odds of fertiliziation.(もちろん。頻繁な性交は妊娠の可能性を劇的に増加させる。)
Missy: Okay Shelly, sit down. Now I've lived my whole life dealing with the fact that my twin brother is, as Mom puts it, one of God's special little people.(オーケー、シェリー、座って。私は今までママが言うように、双子の兄が神に選ばれた特別な人だっていう事実とかかわった人生を生きてきたわ。)
Sheldon: I always thought I was more like a cuckoo bird. You know, a superior creature whose egg is placed in the nest of ordinary birds. Of course the newly hatched cuckoo eats all the food, leaving the ordinary siblings to starve to death. Luckily for you, that's where the metaphor ended.(僕はいつも自分をカッコーみたいだって思ってきた。つまり、普通の鳥の巣に卵を置かれた優秀な生物みたいにね。もちろん、新しく孵化したカッコーのひなは食べ物を独り占めにして普通の兄弟を飢え死にさせるんだ。君にとって幸運なことに、比喩はそこで終わる。)
Missy: I thought it ended at cuckoo. Now you listen to me, if you want to start acting like a brother who cares about me, then terrific. Bring it on. But you try one time to tell me who I should be sleeping with, and you and I are going to go round and round the way we did when we were little. Remember? (かっこの場合はね。じゃあ聞いてちょうだい、あなたが私のことを気にかける兄のようにふるまうなら、素晴らしいわ。上等じゃないの。でも私が誰と寝るべきかあなたが言おうとするのなら、小さかったときにみたいにあなたと私はどうどう巡りするのよ。)(Sheldon hurriedly crosses his legs.)
Sheldon: I have an alternate proposal.(代案があるよ。)
Missy: Go on.
Sheldon: You donate eggs. We will place them in cryogenic storage. I will find an appropriate sperm donor for your eggs, have them fertilized and implanted in you, that way everybody wins.(君が卵子を寄贈するんだ。僕らがそれを低温保存する。僕が君の卵子にふさわしい精子提供者を探して、受精後に君に宿すんだ、そしたらみんな勝者になれる。)

[The living room]
(Sheldon enters limping, holding his groin area)
Sheldon: Correction. Missy can date whoever she wants.(訂正、ミッシーは誰とでも好きな人とデートできるよ。)

[The same, later]
Howard: Look, we have to settle this.(ねえ、僕らはこれを解決しなきゃ。)
Leonard: I agree. Sheldon's sister is hiding at Penny's because we've all been hitting on her at the same time.(賛成。僕らが皆同時に口説くから、シェルダンの妹はペニーの部屋に隠れたままだ。)
Raj: She's not hiding. She needed privacy to call her grandmother who's apparently very sick. Oh, and then I believe she has to wash her hair.(彼女は隠れてるんじゃない。彼女は病気のおばあちゃんに電話するためにプライバシーを必要としてるだけだ。それに彼女は髪を洗わなきゃならないいんだ。)
Howard: Oh, you poor, deluded bastard.(可哀そうに、思違いしてる奴め。)
Raj: Don't start with me dude.
Howard: You want to go again? Let's go.
Leonard: Sit down.
Howard: Okay.
Leonard: If we're going to fight over Missy, let's do it the right way. The honourable way.(もしも僕らがミッシーを争うなら、正しい方法でやろう。道義的な方法だ。)

[Time shift]
(Sheldon enters to hear sounds of fighting. It becomes apparent that the guys are playing a boxing game on a Nintendo Wii.)
Leonard: And he's down!
Howard: Come on, come on, get up.
Leonard: Stay down, bitch. Yeah, ha ha, natural selection at work.(倒れたままでいろ、いぇー、自然の選別が作動中だ。)
Sheldon: I weep for humanity.(僕は人間性のために泣くよ。)
Leonard: Excuse me while I go tell Missy the good news. (ちょっと失礼、ミッシーに吉報を伝えてくる。)(Leaves and knocks on Penny's door.)
Penny: (answering) Ah, hey Leonard.
Leonard: Hi Penny, how's it going. Listen, that guy Mike that you were dating, is that still going on?(ハイ、ペニー、調子はどう？君が付き合ってたマイクとはうまくいってる？)
Penny: Uh, pretty much, why?(うまくいってるわ。どうして？)
Leonard: Nothing, just catching up. By the way, may I speak to Missy please?(別に、ただ聞いただけ。ところでミッシーと話せる？)
Penny: Of course.
Missy: Hi, Leonard, what's up?
Leonard: Well, since you're leaving tomorrow I was wondering if you'd like to go out to dinner with me?(君は明日いなくなっちゃうから、今夜僕と夕食に行かない？)
Missy: That's so sweet. But no thanks.(あら素敵ね、でもお断りするわ。)
Leonard: Oh. You have other plans, or…?(予定があるの？)
Missy: No.
Leonard: Oh. Alright uh… enjoy the rest of your evening.
Missy: Thanks. See you.
Leonard: (returning) Um, here's something we didn't anticipate.

[Time shift]
(Penny opens door to Howard.)
Penny: What do you want, Howard?
Howard: I'm fine, thanks for asking. I've come to call on Missy.(お気づかいありがとう。ミッシーを訪ねてきたんだ。)
Penny: Missy?
Missy: Hi Howard.
Howard: The amazing Howard. Do you like magic?(驚異のハワードだ。君は手品が好きかい？)
Missy: Not really. No.
Howard: Then you are in for a treat. Behold, an ordinary cane. (じゃあ見てごらんよ。ごらんください、普通の杖です。)
(Taps against doorpost. While humming he tries to perform a trick, but the cane falls in half with a yellow handkerchief flying out. Howard has to retrieve the pieces.)
Howard:Da-dah!
(Emerges with the handkerchief, on which are written the words "will you go out with me?")
Missy: No.
Howard: Okay.
(Does something with hands, from which another yellow handkerchief emerges. This one reads "are you sure?" Missy closes the door.)

[Time shift]
(Penny opens the door to Raj.)
Penny: Missy?
Raj: Thank you. I apprec…. (looks panicked) apprec…. appreeee…. oh-oh.
Penny: Oh, honey, is your medication wearing off? (ねえ、薬が切れたの？)(Raj nods.)
Missy: Oh, hi, cutie pie. I was hoping you'd show up.(ハイ、かわいいパイちゃん。来てくれると思ってたわ。)
(Raj attempts to speak. All that emerges is a high pitched wail. After a few more attempts he turns and leaves down the stairs, still making the same sound.)
Missy: We had a dog who made a noise like that. Had to put him down.(私たちあんなふうな声出す犬を飼ってたの。静かにさせなきゃならなかったわ。)

[The stairwell]
(Missy and Sheldon are descending)
Missy: Any news you want me to pass along to Mom?(ママに伝えておくことある？)
Sheldon: Well, she might be interested to know that I have refocused my research from bosonic string theory to heteronic string theory.(彼女は僕の研究がボゾニックひも理論からヘテロニックひも理論に変ったってことに興味を示すかも。
Missy: Yeah, I'll just tell her you said hey.(あなたが言った通りに伝えておくわ。)
Sheldon: Okay, well, it was pleasant seeing you, other than that business with my testicles. (Holds out hand to shake.)(会えてうれしかったよ、睾丸のことを除けばね。)
Missy: Come on, Shelly.
(Hugs him. He looks uncomfortable, then hugs back half heartedly.)
Missy: I want you to know I'm very proud of you.(私があなたのことを誇りに思ってるってことを知ってほしいわ。)
Sheldon: Really?
Missy: Yup, I'm always bragging to my friends about my brother the rocket scientist.(そうよ、いつもお友達に私の兄がロケット科学者だって自慢してるわ。)
Sheldon: You tell people I'm a rocket scientist?(友達に僕がロケット科学者だって言ってるの？)
Missy: Well yeah.
Sheldon: I'm a theoretical physicist.(僕は理論物理学者だ。)
Missy: What's the difference?(なにがちがうの？)
Sheldon: What's the difference?(なにがちがうって？)
Missy: Goodbye Shelly.
Sheldon: My God! Why don't you just tell them I'm a toll taker at the Golden Gate Bridge? Rocket scientist, how humiliating.(なんてこった。ゴールデン・ゲート・ブリッジの料金集め係とでも言えばいいのに。ロケット科学者だなんて、なんて侮辱的な。)

Story: Chuck Lorre
Teleplay: Lee Aronsohn & Bill Prady
Japanese interpretaion by Norih