The Big Bang Theory Season 1

When Penny returns from Nebraska where all of her relatives get sick, Sheldon is afraid of being infected with flue and asks Leonard to place a measuring cup in the bathroom so Sheldon can measure his urine output to make sure his kidneys isn't shutting down. Then the cup is turned out to be the same one as Leonard always used to mix pancake batter. When Sheldon gets sick later, Leonard and the boys know what's in store and avoid him like the plague, leaving an unsuspecting Penny to nurse the world's worst patient back to health. (神経過敏のシェルダンは、ペニーがネブラスカから風邪ウィルスを持ち帰ったのではないかと心配して、腎臓の機能を確認するため、尿の計量を始める。そこでいつも使う計量カップとは、レナードがパンケーキ生地を混ぜるのに使ってたものだった。そしてシェルダンが風邪で寝込んだ時、レナードと他の友達は何が起きたかを察知し、まるで悪い疫病に掛ったかのように彼を避け始め、何も知らないペニーに最悪の患者の看護をゆだねた。さて、最悪の患者とは．．．．。)

[The living room of the apartment]
Leonard and Sheldon are playing the three dimensional chess game from the original Star Trek series. It is Leonard's move. He takes his time, moving round the board and checking things from various angles. Finally he tentatively makes a move. Sheldon moves almost immediately.(レナードとシェルダンはスタートレックシリーズに出てくる3次元のチェスを指している。レナードの番になり、少し時間を掛けて盤を廻っていろんな角度から検討している。最後に試しで駒を動かす。即座にシェルダンが動かす。)

Sheldon: Checkmate.(詰み!)
Leonard: O-o-o-o-h! Again?(オー、またかい？)
Sheldon: Obviously you're not well suited for three-dimensional chess, perhaps three dimensional candyland* would be more your speed.(明らかに君は3次元のチェスに向いてないね、多分3次元のキャンディーランドの方が君に向いてるかも。) *すごろくゲームに似たファミリーゲーム
Leonard: Just reset the board.
Sheldon: It must be humbling to suck on so many different levels.(レベルが違いすぎるから無理でしょ。)
Penny: (knocking and entering) Hi guys.
Leonard: Hey!
Penny: Did you get my mail.
Leonard: Yeah, right here. How was Nebraska?(ネブラスカはどうだった？)
Penny: Oh, better than North Dakota! (Pause) I guess that joke's only funny in Nebraska.(ノース・ダコタよりはましよ。これってネブラスカだけで通じる冗談かも。)
Sheldon: From the data at hand you really can't draw that conclusion. All you can say with absolute certainty is that that joke is not funny here.(手持ちのデータだけからはその結論は導けないよ。確かに言えることは、その冗談はここでは受けないってことだけだよ。)
Penny: Boy, it's good to be back.
Leonard: How was your family?
Penny: Ugh, it was the worst trip, everyone got sick over the weekend.(ウー、最悪の旅行よ。週末はみんな病気してた。)
Sheldon: Sick?
Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: (running to opposite side of the room) What kind of sick?(どんな病気？)
Penny: Oh, the flu I guess.(多分インフルエンザね。)
Sheldon: I don't need you to guess, I need you to know, now when did the symptoms first appear?(推測じゃなくて、知ってほしいよ。じゃあ、いつその症状が最初に起こったの？)
Penny: Maybe Friday.
Sheldon: Friday, was that morning or afternoon?(金曜、午前、それとも午後？)
Penny: I… I don't…
Sheldon: Think woman, who blew their nose and when?(考えてそこの女、だれがいつ鼻をかんだの？)
Leonard: Sheldon, relax, she doesn't have any symptoms, I'm sure she's not contagious.(シェルダン、落ち着いて、彼女には症状が出て無い、彼女には伝されないよ。)
Sheldon: Oh please, if influenza was only contagious after symptoms appear it would have died out thousands of years ago. Somewhere between tool using and cave painting, homo habilus would have figured out to kill the guy with the runny nose.(もしも症状が出た後だけに伝染性を持つなら、インフルエンザなんてとっくに絶滅してるよ。人類が道具を使い始めてから洞穴に絵を描くまでの間に、人類は鼻汁を出してる人を殺すべきだって気がついたはずさ。)
Leonard: Penny, you'll have to excuse Sheldon, he's a bit of a germophobe.(ペニー、シェルダンを許してやって、彼って潔癖症なんだ。)
Penny: Oh, it's okay, I understand.
Sheldon: Thanks for your consideration, now please leave.(考慮してくれてありがとう。さあ出て行って。)
Leonard: You'd better go before he starts spraying you with Lysol.(リゾールをスプレーされないうちに行った方がいいよ。)
Penny: Okay, well, thank you for getting my mail.
Leonard: No problem. Welcome home.
(Sees Penny out. Turns to find Sheldon spraying the air with Lysol.)
Sheldon: What?

[The kitchen]
Leonard: What the hell are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm making petrie dishes to grow throat cultures.(のどの細菌の培養体を成長させるペトリディッシュを作ってるんだ。)
Leonard: With lime jello?(ライム・ゼリーを使ってかい？)
Sheldon: I need a growth medium, and someone polished off the apricot yoghurt. Here, swab my throat.(成長媒体が必要なんだ。誰かアプリコットヨーグルトを掻き取って、ほら、喉をひっかいて。)
Leonard: I don't think so.(いやだよ。)
Sheldon: Leonard! If I'm going to get ahead of this thing I need to find out what's growing in my throat.(レナード、もし僕がこれに先手をうつとしたら、僕の喉で何が成長してるか突き止める必要があるんだ。)
Leonard: Sheldon, you are not sick. This is, but you are not.(シェルダン、君は病気じゃない。これはそうだけど君は違う。)
Sheldon: We have no idea what pathogen Typhoid Penny has introduced into our environment. And having never been to Nebraska I'm fairly certain that I have no cornhusking antibodies.(ペニーがどんな病原菌を僕らの環境に持ち込んだか分かんないよ。ネブラスカに入ったことないから、僕がコーンハスキングの抗体をもってないことは確かだ。)
Leonard: Sheldon, don't you think you're overreacting?(君は過剰反応じゃないのか？)
Sheldon: When I'm lying comatose in a hospital relying on inferior minds to cure me, these jello cultures and my accompanying notes will give them a fighting chance.(僕を治療できないんじゃないと思って病院で昏睡を偽ったとき、このゼリー培養と僕のメモ書きのおかげで彼らは対処機会を得たんだ。)
Leonard: I'm going back to bed.
Sheldon: Wait. (Handing him a measuring jug) Put this in the bathroom.(待って。(計量用水差しを彼に渡して)これをトイレに置いといて。)
Leonard: What for?(何のために？)
Sheldon: I need to measure my fluid intake and output to make sure my kidneys aren't shutting down.(僕の腎臓が機能停止してないことを確認するために、液体の摂取量と排出量を計量する必要があるんだ。)
Leonard: I mix pancake batter in this!(僕はこの中でパンケーキ生地を混ぜてるんだぜ。)
Sheldon: No, that measuring cup has always been for urine.(いや、その計量カップはいつも尿の計量に使ってたんだ。)
Leonard: You had time to make a label for everything in this apartment, including the label maker, but you didn't have ten seconds to make one that said urine cup?(あのラベル作成機を含めて、君はアパート中のあらゆるものにラベルを貼る時間があったのに、あの尿カップに貼る10秒の時間もなかったのか？)
Sheldon: It's right here on the bottom.(ここの底に貼ってあるよ。)
Leonard: Huh. I guess I owe the Betty Crocker company a letter of apology.(ベティー・クロッカー社の断り書きかと思うよ。)

[Sheldon's bedroom]
(Sheldon wakes up and coughs. Picks up an electronic thermometer and takes his temperature)
Sheldon: Oh, dear God. (Shouting) Leonard! Leonard, I'm sick!

Cut to Leonard entering living room in panic, stumbling and trying to put on a pair of trousers.
Sheldon: (voice off) Leonard! Leonard I'm sick!

Leonard grabs jacket and leaves through front door.
Sheldon: (entering, wrapped in duvet) Leonard! Leonard! Leonard. Leonard, my comforter fell down, and my sinuses hurt when I bend over. Leonard? (Bends to get phone) Ow!(レナード！レナード！レナード！僕の掛け布団がずり落ちて、 かかがむと鼻洞が痛むんだ。)
Leonard: (voice on phone) Hey.
Sheldon: Leonard, where are you?
Leonard: (running down stairs) I'm at work.
Sheldon: At six-thirty in the morning?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: On Sunday?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Why?
Leonard: They asked me to come in.
Sheldon: Well, I didn't hear the phone ring.
Leonard: They texted me.(彼らは僕にメールしたんだ。)
Sheldon: Well, as I predicted, I am sick. My fever has been tracking up exponentially since 2am, and I am producing sputum at an alarming rate.(僕が予想した通り病気になったよ。2時から体温が指数関数的に上がって、警報がなるくらい鼻汁が出てる。)
Leonard: No kidding?
Sheldon: No. Not only that, it has shifted from clear to milky green.(そればかりか、透明から乳緑色になってる。)
Leonard: Alright, well, get some rest and drink plenty of fluids.(わかった。ゆっくり休んで液体をたくさん飲んで。)
Sheldon: What else would I drink? Gasses? Solids? Ionised plasma?(他に飲むものは？気体？固体？イオンプラズマ？。)
Leonard: Drink whatever you want.
Sheldon: I want soup.
Leonard: Then make soup.
Sheldon: We don't have soup.
Leonard: I'm at work, Sheldon. (A woman enters the apartment building with a barking dog.)
Sheldon: Is that a dog?
Leonard: Yes,
Sheldon: In the lab?
Leonard: Yes, they're training dogs to operate the centrifuge for when they need dogs to operate the centrifuge for blind scientists, I have to go.(そうだよ、あれは盲目の科学者が遠心機を運転する時に必要な犬の訓練用さ。僕は行かなきゃ。)

[Howard's bedroom]
(The phone is ringing)



Howard's Mother: (voice) Howard, it's the phone.
Howard: I know it's the phone, Ma, I hear the phone.
Howard's Mother: Well who's calling at this ungodly hour?(こんなとんでもない時間に電話してくるなんて誰なの？)
Howard: I don't know.
Howard's Mother: Well ask them why they're calling at this ungodly hour.
Howard: How can I ask them when I'm talking to you! (Into phone) Hello.
Leonard: Howard, it's Leonard, code Milky Green.(レナードだ。暗号、「ミルキーグリーン」。)
Howard: Dear Lord, not Milky Green!(どうか「ミルキーグリーン」じゃありませんように。)
Leonard: Affirmative, with fever.(確かだ、熱がある。)
Howard's Mother: Who's on the phone.
Howard: It's Leonard.
Howard's Mother: Why is he calling.
Howard: Sheldon's sick.
Howard's Mother: Were you playing with him?
Howard: For God's sake, Ma, I'm twenty six years old.
Howard's Mother: Excuse me Mr Grown-up. Whadda-ya want for breakfast.
Howard: Chocolate milk and eggoes please!
Leonard: Howard, listen to me.
Howard: Hang on, call waiting.
Leonard: (voice) No, don't, don't….
Howard: Hello.
Sheldon: Howard, I'm sick.
Howard: (imitating his mother's voice) Howard's sleeping, this is his mother. Why are you calling at this ungodly hour?
Sheldon: I need soup.
Howard: Then call your own mother. (To Leonard) It was Sheldon.
Leonard: I tried to stop you.
Howard: It's my own fault, I forgot the protocol we put in place after the great ear infection of '06.(僕のせいさ。2006年の大変な流感の年の後の決まりごとを忘れてたよ。)
Leonard: You call Koothrappali, we need to find a place to lay low for the next eighteen to twenty four hours.(君からクースラパリに電話してくれ。僕らは今から18乃至24時間の間隠れる場所を探す必要がある。)
Howard: Stand by. Ma, can my friends come over?
Howard's Mother: I just had the carpets steamed.
Howard: That's a negatory. But there's a Planet of the Apes marathon at the New Art today.(だめだ。でも今日ニュー・アート劇場で猿の惑星連続上映がある。)
Leonard: Five movies, two hours apiece. It's a start.(2時間ずつの5本立てだ。始りだ。)

［The Cheesecake Factory]
Waitress: Homeless crazy guy at table eighteen.(18番テーブルにホームレスの変な奴がいるよ。)
Penny: No, just crazy. Sheldon, what are you doing here?(ホームレスじゃない、ただの変な奴よ。セルダンここで何してんの？)
Sheldon: I'm sick, thank you very much.(病気なんだ、ありがとう。)
Penny: How could you have gotten it from me, I'm not sick.(どうやって私から移ったの？私は病気じゃないのに。)
Sheldon: You're a carrier. All these people here are doomed. You're doomed!(君は媒体だ。ここに居る人はみんな病魔に侵される。みんな侵されるぞ。)
Penny: Shhh! Sheldon, what do you want.
Sheldon: I want soup.
Penny: (over Sheldon's strange throat clearance) Why didn't you just…. (louder throat clearance) Why didn't you just have soup at home.
Sheldon: Penny, I have an IQ of 187, don't you imagine that if there were a way for me to have had soup at home I would have thought of it?(ペニー、僕はIQ187なんだぜ。家でスープを飲む方法があるならどうして思いつかないんだ。)
Penny: You can have soup delivered.(スープ配達してもらえばいいじゃん。)
Sheldon: I did not think of that. Clearly febrile delirium is setting in, please bring me some soup while I still understand what a spoon is for.(思いつかなかったよ。発熱による錯乱が始ってる、何のためのスープかわかるうちに何かスープを持ってきて。)
Penny: Okay, what kind of soup do you want.(オーケー、何のスープが欲しいの？)
Sheldon: Well, my mother used to make me this split pea* with little frankfurter slices and these home made croutons**.(えーと、僕の母親はスライスしたフランクフル・トソーセージと自家製クルトン入りのスプリットピー・スープを作ってくれたよ。) *皮をむいて干して割ったスープ用さやえんどう、**カリカリに焼いたり揚げたりしてスープに浮かせたりするパンの小片
Penny: We have Chicken *Tortilla and Potato Leek**.(チキン・トルティーヤとポテト・リーキのスープならあるわ。) *メキシコのトウモロコシ粉 (cornmeal) で作った丸い薄焼きパンケーキの一種、**セイヨウニラネギ
Sheldon: Can I get any of those with little frankfurter slices and home made croutons?(どっちでもいいからスライスしたフランクフルト・ソーセージと自家製クルトン入れてけれない？）
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Then surprise me. (Blows nose into handkerchief. Shows it to next table) Would you call that moss green or forest green?(じゃあ任せるよ。(ハンカチで鼻かんで、隣のテーブルの人に見せて)これ苔緑色、それとも森林緑って言う？)

[The cinema]
(Everyone is wearing ape masks)
Howard: Look at this, everyone went chimp.(みてこれ、みなチンパンジーになってる。)
Raj: Well I'd like to point out, I voted for orang-utan, but you shouted me down. (Phone rings).(言わせてもらえば、僕はオランウータンの方がいいけど、君が怒鳴って僕を黙らせたんだ。)
Leonard: Oh, hi Penny!
Penny: Hey, where are you?
Leonard: I'm… uh… at work.
Penny: You sound funny.
Leonard: I'm… uh… in a… I'm in a radiation suit. What's up?(僕は放射線防護服来てるんだよ。なにかあった？)
Penny: Yeah, well I'm at work too, and you'll never guess who's here infecting my entire station.(私も仕事中なの。私の仕事場に病原菌を持ってきた人がいるの誰かわかる？)
Leonard: (To Howard and Raj) Sheldon's at the Cheesecake Factory. (Into phone) Just tell him to go home.((ハワードとラジに向かって)シェルダンがチーズ・ファクトリーにいるぞ。(電話に向かって)家に帰れって言ってくれ。)
Penny: He won't leave, he says he's afraid he'll pass out on the bus and someone will harvest his organs.(彼、バスの中で気を失って誰かが彼の内臓を取り出すんじゃないかって恐れてここを出て行こうとしないの。)
Leonard: (To Howard and Raj) He's paranoid, and he's established a nest.(彼、妄想抱いて、居座ってるぞ。)
Penny: Can you please come get him?(彼を迎えに来てくれない？)
Leonard: Uh, yeah, I'd be… I'd be happy to Penny. (Holds phone up, Howard makes warning siren noises) Oh my God there's a breech in the radiation unit (Raj joins in) The whole city is in jeopardy, oh my God, Professor Googenfeil is melting, gotta go, bye! (To Howard and Raj) I feel really guilty.(行きたいのは山々なんだけど、ペニー。おー大変だ、放射線室でブリーチだ。町全体の危機だ。グーゲンファイル教授が溶けてる。行かなくちゃ。(ハワードとラジに向かって）気が咎めるよ。)
Raj: You did what you had to do. (やるべきことをやったまでさ。)(Steals some of Howard's popcorn)
Howard: Take your stinking paws off my popcorn you damn dirty ape.(その臭い前足をポップコーンから離して、この汚い猿め。)

[The stairwell]
Sheldon: Thanks for bringing me home.
Penny: Oh, it's okay, I didn't really need to work today, it's not like I have rent or car payments or anything.(大丈夫よ。今日は働く必要なかったし、家賃や車の支払いとかもないし。)
Sheldon: Good. Good.
Penny: Okay, well, you feel better.
Sheldon: Wait, where are you going?
Penny: Um, home, to write some bad cheques.(不渡り小切手書きに家に帰るのよ。)
Sheldon: You're going to leave me?
Penny: Sheldon, you are a grown man, haven't you ever been sick before?(シェルダン、あなたは大人よ、病気にかかったことないの？)
Sheldon: Well, of course, but, not by myself.(もちろんあるけど、一人ではないよ。)
Penny: Really, never?
Sheldon: Well, once. When I was fifteen, and spending the summer at the Heidelberg Institute in Germany.(えーと、一度だけある。15歳の時ドイツのハイデルブルグ大学で夏を過ごした時。)
Penny: Studying abroad?(留学したの？)
Sheldon: No, visiting professor. Anyway, the local cuisine was a little more sausage-based than I'm used to, and the result was an internal blitzkrieg with my lower intestine playing the part of Czechoslovakia.(いや、客員教授だ。ともかく、地方の料理は僕が慣れてるのよりもうちょっとソーセージ・ベースだったけど、結果として僕の小腸の内部の激動がチェコスロバキアのパートを演奏してた。)
Penny: And there was no-one there to take care of you?(誰も世話してくれる人がいなかったの？)
Sheldon: No. No, my mum had to fly back to Texas to help my dad because the house had slipped off the cinderblocks* again.(ああ誰もね。家のシンダ－ブロックがまた滑り落ちたんで母さんは父さんを助けるためにテキサスに飛んで帰ったんだ。) *主に米国で用いられる中空で軽量の建築用コンクリートブロック
Penny: Again?
Sheldon: It was tornado season. And it was an aluminium house. Anyway, the housekeeper in the faculty residence didn't speak any English, when I finally managed to convince her I was sick, she said "Mochtest Du eine Darmspulung?"(竜巻の季節だったんだ。家はアルミ製だったしね。ともかく、大学宿舎の家事担当は英語が喋れなかったんだ。僕が病気だってわからせたとき、彼女が "Mochtest Du eine Darmspulung?"って言ったんだ。)
Penny: What does that mean?
Sheldon: Based on what happened next, I assume it means "would you like an enema?"(次に何が起こるかによるんだけど、多分「あなたは浣腸してほしいんですか？」っていう意味だと思う。)
Penny: Okay, sweetie, I'll take care of you, what do you need?(オーケー、私が面倒みてあげる。何してほしい？)
Sheldon: Well, my mom used to give me sponge baths.(えーと、母さんはスポンジで体を拭いてくれたよ。)
Penny: Okay, ground rules, no sponge baths, and definitely no enemas.(オーケー、原則として体拭きなし、浣腸も絶対なしよ。)
Sheldon: Agreed.

[The cinema]
Raj: Here we go, ten and a half hours of apey goodness.(そらきた、10時間半のお猿シリーズだ。)
Leonard: Oh dammit, my glasses. Okay, I'm blind here guys, can you help me find them?(あっ、メガネが、見えなくなっちゃった。)
Howard: Sorry. (Crunching sound) Found 'em.
Leonard: Oh great.
Howard: Sorry, don't you have a spare.(予備を持ってないの。)
Leonard: Yeah, at home.(家にある。)
Raj: Well if you leave now, you can be back before the gorillas rip the crap out of Charlton Heston.(今行けばチャールトン・ヘストンのゴリラの直前に戻れるよ。)
Howard: Unless Sheldon's there, in which case you'll be trapped forever in his whiny hyper neurotic snot-web.(シェルダンがいなければね。いたら、ひいひい泣かれて、超神経質で、鼻水だらけのわなに永久にとらわれるよ。)
Leonard: (Dials phone) Hi, Penny. I was wondering, is Sheldon still at the restaurant? Okay, that was very nice of you. Okay, gotta go, got kind of a full blown Chernobyl thing here, gotta go, bye. (To Howard) He's home, I'm screwed. Ten and a half hours of apey blurriness.(ハイ、ペニー、ちょっと聞きたいんだけど、シェルダンはまだレストランに居るかな？オーケー、そりゃよかった。もう切らなきゃ、チェルノブイリみたいなことになって、バイ。(ハワードに向かって）彼家に居るよ、参ったな。10時間半のぼんやりお猿だよ。)
Raj: How about Lasic?(レ―シック手術受けたら？)
Leonard: You want me to get eye surgery?(目の手術受けさせたいの？)
Raj: Would you rather go back to the apartment and deal with Sheldon, or have a stranger carve out your corneas with a laser beam?(アパートに戻ってシェルダンに付き合わされるか、誰かにレーザービームで角膜を削り取らせるか？)
Howard: Well?
Leonard: I'm thinking!

[ Sheldon's bedroom]
Penny: Okay, nice and cosy, okay, I'll see you later.(オーケー、楽に暖かくして、じゃーまたね。)
Sheldon: Wait. Will you please rub this on my chest.(待って、これを胸に塗ってくれない？)
Penny: Oh, Sheldon, can't you do that yourself?
Sheldon: Vaporub* makes my hands smell funny.(ヴェッポ・ラッブは手が変なにおいがつくんだ。) *胸・のどや背中に塗ることにより風邪の諸症状を緩和する軟膏剤
Penny: But Sheldon….
Sheldon: Please, please, please, please, please, please, please.
Penny: I can't believe I'm doing this.
Sheldon: No, no, counter-clockwise or my chest hair mats.(違うよ、反時計回りか胸毛に沿って。)
Penny: Sorry.
Sheldon: Can you sing "Soft Kitty".(「やわらか子猫」をうたってくれない？)
Penny: What?
Sheldon: My mom used to sing it to me when I was sick.
Penny: I'm sorry, honey, I don't know it.
Sheldon: I'll teach you. "Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purr." Now you.
Penny: (after a loud sigh) Soft kitty, warm kitty…
Sheldon: Little ball of fur. Keep rubbing.
Penny: (through gritted teeth) Little ball of fur.

[The living room door]
A fibre-optic camera emerges from underneath. We see the scene from its point of view. Cut to outside. Raj is holding a laptop, Howard is feeding the camera under the door
Leonard: What do you see, what do you see.
Raj: The living room appears to be empty.(居間には誰もいないようだ。)
Leonard: Okay, he must be in his bedroom. My spare glasses are in my bedroom, on my dresser, next to my Bat-signal.(オーケー、彼は寝室に居るんだ。僕の予備メガネは僕の寝室のバットマン・マークの隣の箪笥の上にある。)
Howard: I'm not going in there.
Leonard: Raj?
Raj: No way, Jose.
Leonard: Well I can't do it, I can't see anything.
Howard: It's all right, wireless mini-cam and Bluetooth headset. We'll be your eyes.(大丈夫だ、ワイヤレスのミニ・カメラとブルートゥースヘッド・セットがあるから、僕らが君の目の代わりになるよ。)
Leonard: Fine.
Howard: One more thing. This is a subsonic impact sensor. If Sheldon gets out of bed and starts to walk, this device will register it and send a signal to the laptop. At that point, based on the geography of the apartment and the ambulatory speed of a sick Sheldon, you'll have seven seconds to get out, glasses or no glasses.(それともう一つ、これは音波式衝撃センサーだ。もしもシェルダンがベッドから起きて歩きだしたらこの装置がそれを検知してラップトップに信号を送る。その時点で、アパートの形状と病気のシェルダンの歩行のスピードから、脱出までに君には7秒ある。メガネを持ってかメガネなしでね。)
Leonard: Won't my footsteps set it off?(歩き始めていいかい？)
Howard: No, you'll be on your hands and knees. Now you'll need to get the sensor as close as you can to Sheldon's room.(いや、膝で四つん這いになって。センサーをできるだけシェルダンの部屋に近付けて。)
Leonard: Well, how do I carry it if I'm on my hands and knees?(膝で四つん這いになってるのにそれを運ぶんだ？)

[Cut to Leonard]
(Entering apartment on hands and knees, carrying the sensor in his teeth)
Howard: Stay low. Bear left. Now keep true.(低くして、左に曲がって、真っ直ぐに。)
Leonard: What?
Howard: It means go straight.(真っ直ぐにっていう意味だよ。)
Leonard: Then just say go straight.(それならすなおにそう言ってよ。)
Howard: You don't stay go straight when you're giving bearings, you say keep true.(君が方位を持ってるときは”そのまま真っ直ぐ”とは言わないで"keep true"って言うんだよ。)
Leonard: Alright (Bangs head on a trunk.) I just hit my head.
Howard: Because you didn't keep true. (Time shift, Leonard is now outside bedrooms) Okay, turn right.
Raj: The… the picture's breaking up.
Howard: Angle your head to the right. A little more. A little more. (Leonard now has his head at right angles to his body) That's it, now just keep true. Alright, you're close enough to Sheldon's room, deploy the sensor. Now turn it on.(頭を右に向けて。もう少し。もう少し。(レナードが彼の体に対し正しい方向にむける)そうだ、さあ真っ直ぐだ。いいぞ、君はシェルダンの部屋に十分近ずいた。センサーを配置して。さあスイッチを入れて。 )
Leonard: It wasn't on?(スイッチ入ってなかったの？)
Howard: No.
Leonard: Then why did I have to crawl?(じゃあなんで僕は這ってこなきゃならなかったんだ？)
Howard: Oh, I guess you didn't.(多分必要なかったと思うよ。)
Leonard: Okay, it's on.
Howard: Good. From this point forward you will have to crawl.(よし、ここから先は君は這って行かなきゃならない。)
Leonard: I know.
Howard: Hang on, the sensor's picking up something, turn your head back. (Camera angle shows a pair of female legs.)(ちょっと待って、センサーが何か検知した。)
Penny: You rat bastard.(このネズミ野郎。)
Howard: (running down stairs with Raj) Told you the sensor would work.(センサーが有効だって言ったろ。)
Leonard: Hi!
Penny: You deliberately stuck me with Sheldon.(あなたはわざと私をシェルダンにあてがったのね。)
Leonard: Well, I had to, you see what he's like.(だって、そうしなきゃならなかったんだ。シェルダンがどんなか見ただろ。)
Sheldon: (off) Penny! Penny, I'm hungry.
Penny: Uh, it's okay, sweetie, good news, Leonard's home!
Leonard: No!
Penny: (handing him vaporub) Here you go, good luck, bye.
Leonard: W-wait!
Sheldon: Leonard, I'm hungry!
Leonard: Wait! Penny! Take me with you! (Runs after her and bumps into pillar. Falls semi-conscious to the floor. Sheldon appears in his comforter.)
Sheldon: I want grilled cheese.(グリルドチーズサンドイッチが欲しいよ。)

[Time shift]
(Sheldon and Leonard are on the sofa. Sheldon is wrapped in his comforter, Leonard is holding an ice-pack to his head)
Sheldon: Do you think Penny will come here and take care of us?
Leonard: I don't think Penny's ever coming here again.
Sheldon: I'm very congested.(充血してるんだ。)
Leonard: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: Can you go to the kitchen, and get me the turkey baster labelled mucus.(台所に行って七面鳥ベイスターのラベルの付いた粘液を持ってきて。)
Leonard: If I stand, I'll vomit.(立ち上がったら吐きそうだ。)
Sheldon: Under the sink, yellow Tupperware bowl.(流しの下に黄色いタッパー・ウェアのボウルがあるよ。)

Story: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay: Bill Prady & Stephen Engel
Japanese interpretaion by Norih